Behind Classroom Doors II

XCIII- Terms and Conditions

I get to Shawn's and run up to his office. He's in there, with glasses on and a pen in his hand. "I hope I got a good grade." I say.

Shawn looks up at me with a smile. "Have a seat, let's find out." I step inside and sit in the chair on the other side of his desk. He looks through his stack of papers and stops when he finds mine. Then he hands it to me.

I look it over, "Perfect score."

"You must have a good professor." In reality, History has always been easy for me. Put me in a math class and I'll need help, but history is more simple.

I sit up and lean over the desk to kiss him. "The best professor." I say in amusement. I don't feel good about lying to him but I understand where Jack is coming from. Besides, it's not my secret to tell. As long as I keep telling myself that, I'll be fine.

"What are your plans for tomorrow?" Shawn asks once I've sat back down.

I shrug, "I was thinking about going costume shopping after school. Halloween isn't for a couple more weeks but still." Maybe I'll bring Katie.

He nods, "I almost forgot about the Halloween party. Are you sure no one will be there that we know?"

I shake my head, "Other than Ty and Layla but it doesn't matter if they see us."

His eyebrows draw in together, "Why?"

"Because they know about us. That's why they invited us in the first place, so we can be out in public together."

"Wait, you told him about our situation?" I nod. Shawn scoffs, "So you're willing to tell two strangers but no one else?"

"Two strangers that aren't going to out us to the school and get you fired." They have nothing to do with NYU.

"Because one of them has a crush on you!" I don't understand why he's getting so upset.

I set clear boundaries for Ty, Shawn has nothing to worry about. "He's not like that. He invited the both of us to that party so we can actually be seen in public without worrying about getting caught." I remind him. It's supposed to allow us to get out of this apartment and be ourselves for once. We've never really had that experience before but now we can.

Shawn shakes his head, his breathing unsteady. "You just don't get it Livia. You had no problem telling other people, but when I want to come out to your parents it's a big deal."

"Because one disapproval and your career is over. What's so hard to understand about that?" I stand up and cross my arms over my chest. Like with my parents. If they had found out about us who knows what could've happened.

"You told strangers!" He yells.

"Shawn I-"

"I think you should leave." I'm completely stunned. I take a step closer to him but he doesn't even look at me. "I can't keep doing this by your rules. So I think you should leave until you can figure out what you really want." He can't be serious can he?

"I want you." I say but my voice comes out small, like a childs.

His eyes meet mine. "This was supposed to be a relationship, fifty/fifty remember? There has to be more than that. I've been clear about what I want and we're not on the same page."

I take a step back and point to my chest. "Are you...are you breaking up with me?"

His jaw clenches as he looks away, "I'm taking a break and I think you should too. This isn't high school anymore, Livia. You need to figure out what you really want." He repeats.

I can't help the tears that fall down my face. This wasn't supposed to happen. Shawn was supposed to be happy about the party and go with me. We were supposed to move on and most importantly, we were supposed to stay together. Shawn doesn't make eye contact with me, almost like he can't stand to see me cry.

I wipe my face, trying to remain strong, "Shawn you can't just end things every time you get mad at me." That's not a real relationship.

He faces me, his eyes are so sad that I almost can't stand to look at them. "I know." Is all he offers me in return.

I grab my bag and walk out of his apartment. I feel hopeless and defeated. Like the last thing I had to hold onto just quit on me. The little scenarios I've been thinking about burn up like paper in my head. If we can't get past this then we'll never have those moments I crave.

The cab ride home is spent with tears and sobs that I'm sure the driver hated me for. When I get to my dorm Katie still isn't back yet so I go to the bathroom and try to force myself to stop crying and clean myself up. I never thought telling Ty about us would've ended our relationship, but I try to understand where he's coming from. I didn't want to move in with Shawn or tell anyone for the sake of our relationship and careers. He's put up with that, but telling Ty was the last straw. Telling Ty assured him that I'm not in it for us, I'm in it for me.

The more I think about it he was right to press pause. It doesn't help the way I'm feeling, like my heart is beating slower now. Like my stomach is drowning in guilt. I want to go back and fight it out like we used to but he's right, we're not in high school anymore. So I'll take his advice and get him back. I need him back...