Love After Love...

Chapter 18: "Did I really get your coffee order right?"

(Reference to chapter 2)

Jieun's POV:
After we reached my house, Namjoon came inside and asked me for some water. "Jieun... Can I ask you something? You can definitely choose not to answer," Namjoon said and I nodded and hummed in response. "I have never seen you as cold with anyone as I saw you tonight with your father. And we've been together for a long time now, but you don't seem to want to tell them about us. I'm not mad about, I saw how intense it was today, but I want you to know that you can trust me about this... What happened?" he asked, gently. I took a deep breath and decided to answer him. "Since I was about 10, my dad had been telling me that I would grow up to take over his company. I was just fed the idea that no other career is good enough for me, all I was going to do was business. But it never interested me. I even discreetly looked into other professions as I grew up, but I never found one that stuck with me. And when I was 15, I found psychology. As soon as I started reading more and more, my interest only grew. I fell in love with the subject and just knew this was what I wanted to do... In school, I had a snobby group of friends, whose parents were almost as rich as mine. All they would talk about was shoes, bags, clothes. I used to feel suffocated. One day, I addressed this. And all of them started looking at me differently. As if I had told them some paranormal story. I asked what they wanted to do and they all seemed to be mindlessly talking about getting a job in their fathers' or mothers' companies. I realised they never dared to dream. Soon, I realised how materialistic our friendship was. I stopped hanging out with them and started hanging out with this guy. He was so nice to me and we both spoke a lot. We eventually started dating each other and my 'friends' told me their parents cancelled their credit cards since they were out past curfew, spending too much, and all kinds of textbook brat behaviour. They asked me for some money but I refused. They all started speaking to me rudely, until one day one of them said that they would only hangout with me for my money. My heart broke. Literally the next day, I heard my boyfriend talking about me behind my back, saying I'm a dud and he's with me for my money too. That was it. I started despising the idea of money. I started to question all the people who used to spend time with me. I was in a really dark place emotionally, when I met Wheein and Hyejin. They really helped me break out of the darkness and accepted me for who I was as a person. They saw beyond money. I told them about my dreams and they encouraged me to speak to my father," I took a deep breath before continuing. "You don't have to continue if it's too much, Jieun," Namjoon said. "No, no, I want to tell you," I said.

"After I told my father, he was so displeased. He immediately rejected me and said that I was too young to be making decisions like this. I told him that this is the time children usually take decisions about their futures, and business just isn't for me. He was so repulsed. And plus, he had all these idiotic beliefs about what psychology is. He used to ask what I would earn as a mindreader, or why I would want to treat 'mental' people all my life. I was ashamed that my father, who claimed to be such a sofisticated man, thought this way. I was unhappy about the fact that my dad wouldn't accept my career choice. Over the next two years, all I heard from him was taunts, low remarks and praises about Jungkook who would take over his company. The future heir of Jeon Industries... One day, Jungkook walked in my room when I was crying about my imploding relation with my father. He placed a hand on my shoulder and we just cried together for, like, an hour. He apologized, saying it wasn't his idea to take over the company, but his interest lied in business and he wanted to do this. He said he supported me and was going to be with me for the whole journey. It didn't matter to him what dad thought. I was so grateful to have him... All my relationships failed, either because of money when I told them that I didn't take an allowance from my father, or when I would offer to split cheques and not buy them expensive gifts, or because my relation with my father would eventually find its way to trample my self worth, and in turn create major insecurities, driving them away. Even after opening a successful cafe, all my father could tell me was how I was living a low life when I could live a lavish one. I silently heard everything. I often looked to my mom for support but that stopped after she came into my room to talk one day. I had so many expectations from that talk, thinking my mom would convince my father. But all she said was, 'Why dont you listen to your father? He wants you to be happy. And what can't you do with all that money, stop thinking about a hobby that you just read about. This is not another one of your toys.' I broke into so many tears that day. I thought mom would understand me. She never said anything in front of dad, but I hoped she would discreetly convince him to accept my choices. But all anyone could talk about was money," I said.

Namjoon wiped a tear I didn't even know left my eye. He gave me a small smile and I continued, "I had enough one day, when I came home from yet another breakup. My father knew about the relationship and seeing my face, he knew it had flopped. 'Who would want to stay with you after knowing you're poor anyways?' he said. That's when the dam broke. I yelled at him but he just stood there, unaffected. Jungkook was crying seeing me like that. My mom seemed to not bother, too. I knew that was my cue to leave. I packed my bags and left to go to Wheein's place. I had almost gathered enough money to buy a small place, and I knew I won't have to bother Wheein for long. Jungkook called me everyday for a month. Telling me to come back. He soon understood my point of view. So he stopped calling but visited sometimes. We stayed in touch. My parents and I didnt."

After a long pause, Namjoon said, "Jieun... You are... a very strong person. You don't need approval to move forward. You're just the kind of person that does it anyway. Not a lot of people can do that. I hope you see yourself in a positive light. You're strong, baby. Hell, I just know you're gonna make one hell of a fine psychologist and you're gonna help people. And I know how much you love psychology, I see the way you talk about it. You're phenomenal, Jieun. Look at yourself the way I do and you'll see what a wonderful, beautiful, splendid woman you are. I'm so proud of you. Don't be bitter to your parents. Yes, the way they showed concern was not the best, but they really are concerned about you. You're their daughter. They want to see you live a secure life. Yes, they hurt you, but everyone's allowed mistakes. I'm not telling you how you should lead your life, you're much more sensible than me in that aspect. All I'm saying is, just the way I'm always gonna be there for you, I'm sure they want to be too. It's all on you, my angel. But just... Be proud of yourself. You've accomplished a lot." I hugged him tight, and let my tears fall on his shirt. He looked at me with pure love and admiration.

We shared a soft and passionate kiss, and he suddenly broke it, telling me to wait. Whining because he left my embrace, he left to grab my phone on the kitchen counter. After a while, he connected my phone to a speaker, and told me to get up. Still whining because we weren't hugging, Namjoon chuckled and said, "Oh God, stand up, you big baby!" and lifted me up. He played a song on the speaker and I immediately recognised it to be 'La vie en Rose'. I smiled very wide and Namjoon said, "Care for a dance? Our anniversary technically isn't over yet." I immediately accepted his hand and we both started slow dancing in my living room. His hand secure on my waist, my head on his chest, we moved in perfect sync. We shared a long kiss and I said, "Is this our song now?" "If you want it to be, sure. This, right now? This moment is what heaven feels like, if you ask me. Happy anniversary, my angel," he said. We kept slow dancing till the song was over.

After an intimate night, I was laying on his bare chest, with him tracing shapes over my naked shoulder. He suddenly called my name and I hummed in response. He said, "The day we met... Did I really get your coffee order right?" I smiled. "No... No, you didn't," I said. We both giggled.

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A/N : Readers! You now know everything about Jieun. Her struggles with insecurity originate from a disapproving father, something that's hauntingly common. Those insecurities are what stop her from opening up to people about her relationship with her father. Jieun is extremely deprived of the words "I'm proud of you" from someone that matters to her. Namjoon does exactly that. It's not enough to overcome insecurities that deep-rooted, but it sure helps. It's how you know your partner is good for you.