Love After Love...

Chapter 34: "Cacti are perfect."

Jieun's POV:
I held Jimin's hand as he cried a little more. "You and your father had a very lovely relation," I said, "I wish I had that too." He looked at me, puzzled. "Is yours any different?" he asked. I scoffed. "Try opposite," I said. He giggled as he wiped his tears. "I'm sure this is not the time to talk about it. Let's take you back home. I'm pretty sure you haven't slept in a very long time," I said. "Jieun. Look at me," he said. Our eyes met. He continued, "Talk to me. Tell me what you meant. I need to think about something else. I'm hurting too much. Please." His eyes holding nothing but sincerity.

So I told him. Everything about my relation with my father. And how Namjoon would help me through it. And how he would support me through everything. After I was done, Jimin just looked at me for a long time.

"Do you want your relationship with your father to go back to what it used to be before you told him?" he asked. "I dream," I said. He giggled at my response. "Why disregard the possibility?" he asked. "It's impossible to have a conversation with him without him bringing up money and how I've ruined my own life," I said. "Jieun... Our parents are not perfect people. They make a ton of mistakes. And sometimes those mistakes are big enough to leave a very large impact on us. Especially in our teens. But we know that they can love us because there was a time before that big mistake, that life was perfect. Because they have loved us in the past. Concern is a scary emotion, Jieun. I'm sure you know that. You're one hell of a psychologist, so you can perfectly understand what I'm getting at," he said. "Yes, but that's no reason to keep it going! He could always have apologized!" I said. Jimin smiled and said, "Jieun, your father owns a multi-billion dollar company. How many times in his life do you think he would've apologized?" That broke the tension a little. We both giggled.

I said, "That's no reason, Jimin. He could have easily approached me wanting to fix it. But he didn't." "What stopped you then? From approaching him and fixing it, I mean," he asked. I was stumped. What had stopped me? I had never seen it that way. He continued, "Yes, he made a mistake. Yes, he was too proud to admit it. But why couldn't you take a step forward? What stopped you? You assumed that he was at fault so he should mend it too. You expected something from him that you easily could've done yourself too. You're smart enough to understand what that means, Jieun." After a long pause, I spoke, "I was too proud to walk up to him first... I was exactly like him."

"I would trade anything to get more time with my father. And no amount of time is enough. It just goes by so fast. Pride is no excuse for wanting to cut ties with a potentially loving parent. Maybe he's over it, and maybe he won't be able to put his ego aside and maybe even after trying to fix it, your relation would still be the same as it is today. But you owe it to yourself to try your hardest, Jieun. Life's just too fucking short," he said.

Jimin had given me a very new approach to look at this. He only looked at me knowingly. There was no pride or superiority in his gaze. Only understanding and the motive to help.

Without thinking, I engulfed him in a very tight hug. He hugged me back almost immediately. He rubbed my back lightly as I smiled. "Thank you," I whispered. "Anytime," he said. We pulled away. "Oh, I almost forgot," I said, "I had brought a cactus for you." "What?" he laughed. "People usually bring flowers, Jieun," he said, giggling still. "I know. But I really don't like flowers. They are very short-lived. They wilt very soon. Why should a thoughtful gift have such a small life? Cacti are perfect. They're unique, and if you really are a flower person, you can take care of a cactus and it'll give you tiny, cute flowers of its own. They need very low maintenance too. Professor Park and I had a similar conversation one day during one of our sessions and he said he liked my thinking. He made fun of me saying a potential boyfriend would definitely stand no chance if he walked up to me with a huge bouquet of flowers. That was a memorable session for me. So I thought this was apt," I said. He laughed with me. "That's lovely. Thank you, Jieun. I'm sure he would have been very happy about this," Jimin said, his eyes misty again.

I dropped Jimin home. After reaching home and taking a long shower, I lay on my bed with the Namjoon photo frame again. I told him about the day. But today, as I fell asleep, I didn't cry. I thought about Jimin and our conversation. I thought about how positive his presence in my life was. I thought about how I could actually make things better with my father. I thought about my clinic. I thought about my clients. I thought about the clients whose sessions were about to end. I thought about how they actually made progress. I felt proud of myself.

I felt like I was leading a slightly happy life after a very very long time...