Love After Love...

Chapter 22: "Anything to make it right."

Jieun's POV:
I dejectedly left the restaurant and headed home. Namjoon wasn't at home either. I was upset, not only because he kept me waiting, but because he lied to me. Why did he do that? My heart physically hurt thinking of why he would not just hide it, but straight up lie to my face when he was asked upfront.

Seokjin called and pulled me out of my thoughts. I answered.

SJ: "Jieun, we're in deep shit."
Jieun: "What, why?"
SJ: "Dispatch went on to click pictures of us and released it on the internet! I don't know what to do! I'm so sorry you have to go through this right now. I'll try to fix it soon."

My body froze. I couldn't utter a word. I just hung up. I immediately understood how this would come off to Namjoon. Oh, we were in for a huge argument tonight.

Just when I was terrified for our relationship, the door swung open, revealing a very angry Namjoon. I had never seen him like this before. "So we don't properly have time for each other for a month and you choose my brother?" he said, fuming. "Namjoon, you left me in that restaurant for an hour, your brother coincidently was there, and joined me. He was polite and never crossed any limits. Neither did I. We ended up having a nice talk. That's all that happened," I said, sounding as calm as I could. "You're lying! You're just like her! God, how could I not see this coming?! Oh my god, why does this keep happening to me?! I was going to-" he started rambling. "Namjoon, stop!" that seemed to shut him up.

"First things first, why did you stand me up?" I asked. He was still angry, but answered me. "I was leaving but our manager told me that J-hope was waiting for me. It turned out to be Hoseok, a really old friend with whom I had lost contact. We started catching up and I completely lost track of time. But when I remembered about our date, I saw you already having your share of a nice time." He scoffed. "I'm going to stop you right there before you say something that's going to change us forever," I said. He stayed silent. "Your brother was nice enough to take my mind off the fact that this was something I was excited about the whole day and you just forgot about it. But I don't blame you, catching up with old friends is always a time consuming task and you saying no to that would be rude on your part. But you could've just told me. Seokjin did nothing but speak kindly and we had a good conversation. That's all," I said. "But he mentioned something. He told me what actually happened between you and him. What Alicia did. Is it true?," I continued. The colour drained from his face. He looked at me with pure guilt and horror. "So, it is. Why did you lie, Namjoon? I asked you about it. And you lied to my face," I said with tears in my eyes. "I thought we were more to you than that. It definitely has to be something I did. You are someone I trust with literally everything. Do you know how much pain I am in to know that the person who I trust with my heart and soul, not only hid a very big thing about his family from me, but he lied to me, and was about to say that I was just like his ex girlfriend who cheated on him with his real brother?! You lied as if it was second nature. Namjoon, what am I lacking for you to not let me into your life? Are we not on the same page here? Are you still hiding things from me? Are you not in this relationship as much as I am? What can I do to gain your trust?!" I asked. I was sobbing.

Namjoon had tears in his eyes. He was silent. I saw so much guilt in his eyes. I had never seen him like this. He looked weak. "I know that sorry doesn't make it better, Jieun, and I am, believe me, I am so goddamn sorry. But you're wrong if you think this is on you. I fucked up. Big time. I never thought you needed to know about my messed up relations with my brother. I trust you with my life, Jieun," he said. "No, you don't. If you did, we wouldn't be having this conversation," I said. "I don't wanna sleep here tonight. I'll be at Wheein's. Think about us, Namjoon. If you still think that I'm the kind of person who wouldn't want to know everything about you, even the bad and repulsive things, we're going to have to seriously rethink our relationship. I hope you understand where I'm coming from. Remember that I love you with my whole heart, and if you come up with an answer that says that you don't need to tell me things that affect you or bother you regarding your family, I will walk away because I wont be able to stay in this relationship, knowing you're half-assing your way into it and I'm all fucking in. I won't say a word. But if you choose to be in this relationship and still keep things from me and not trust me, I won't be able to take the pain. I want a relationship where we can be honest and sincere with each other. Equally," I said. "Jieun, no, please, I messed up, Jieun. Don't let go, please. I'll do anything to make it right, please," he cried. "Think about what I said, Namjoon. That's what you can do to make things right," I said, walking away, leaving a sobbing Namjoon in our living room.

~1 week later~

Namjoon's POV:
On my 10th beer bottle, I just couldn't think straight anymore. I wanted Jieun with me. Beside me, calming me down. I was in so much pain. I was such an asshole. Why would I do that? After everything she told me about her family, after 4 years of being in a loving, healthy, perfect relationship, I screwed it all up because of my dumb doubts of me not needing to tell her about my brother. It was important information and I kept it from her. I lied to her. I blamed her. I'm a terrible person. I just wanted to see her. I knew she won't answer my calls. I had 350 missed calls from Seokjin. I was so beyond even hearing his voice I felt like I would kill him if he said anything to defend himself. I called Wheein.

NJ: "Wheeein, pleeasse let mee taaalk to herrr."

I slurred.

Jieun: "Namjoon, it's Jieun."

Her voice almost sobering me up completely.

NJ: "Oh my God! It's my Jieun! My angel! Jieun, I want you here, baby. I'm so sorry. Please come back. I haven't seen your face in a week, Jieun. Please, come home, baby. I swear I won't ever lie to you. There's nothing else you don't know about me. Please don't doubt me. I told you everything but this. I was stupid. Please come back."

I was crying.

Jieun: "I'll be home tomorrow morning."
NJ: "Yes, yes, okay. Yes, for sure, I'll be waiting for you, Jieun, yes, okay."

She hung up.

I cleaned the apartment as much as I could. I wanted to be sober when I met her. I threw away all the cans of beer. I slept in a clean apartment after 7 days.

Next morning, I woke up with a slight headache. Chugging some water with an Aspirin, I quickly took a shower and waited for her.

She showed up. She still looked just as beautiful as the day I met her. She never failed to mesmerize me. I hugged her very tightly. She stood still at first, but gave in some time later. We were in the hug for about 2 or 3 minutes. I pulled away, already crying. She had tears in her eyes too.
"I'm so sorry, Jieun. I swear I didn't hide anything more. I assure you, I want this relationship so much. You are what makes my life bright and you make things better just by your presence. I don't want to lose you. Please forgive me," I said. "Can you tell me what happened exactly? With you, Alicia and Seokjin?" she said. "Okay," I said.