Love After Love...

Chapter 71: "Relationships change, Jieun."

~2 weeks later, next couple's therapy session~

Jimin's POV:
"Okay, Parks. Today's session is pretty critical. I don't want to sugarcoat it for you guys, so the way this session goes will set the tone for your marriage in the future. So, take this seriously, and keep an open mind. Yes?" Dr. Lee said.

Jieun and I exchanged looks. We both nodded.

"Good. Okay, so, Jimin. Did you ever think you'd quit writing?" Dr. Lee asked. "I don't think I'd say I've quit writing. But I understand. To answer your question, no, I never thought I'd stop writing. It was always something that was a permanent part of me. Or so I thought. I guess, times change, am I right?" I said. Dr. Lee looked at me a while and then said, "They sure do. But passions don't. I'm sure you're just as passionate about language and literature, at least." "Yes, of course. I'm never losing that," I responded. "So, why did writing have to be the only passion you capitalised on?" she asked.

I knew the answer to that question. Jieun sitting beside me, didn't. Okay. Well, here goes nothing.

"Because that's the passion that can be recongnised. Ever since I know Jieun, she has known me as a writer. And even before I knew her, I'd told myself that I'm an author. So, after that huge episode where I couldn't write, it felt like... What am I if I'm not a good writer?" I said.

I knew Jieun was looking at me. But I couldn't look at her.

"Were the fights a way of wanting some kind of recognition? Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you'd gone to that book tour?" Dr. Lee asked.

My marraige was going to break tonight.

"Maybe the fights were a way to get Jieun to look at me with respect. Like I make a difference... There were times I wondered what would've happened if I hadn't given up the book tour. But I used to look at Jieun and Sungho, and then things would be okay. They're more important to me than anything. I had to make that what I was about. I realised that I really would lose everything if I didn't start focusing on my child and wife," I said.

I felt a hand hold mine. I looked over to see Jieun with love in her eyes. The look I yearned to see from her since the last two years.

"How does this vulnerability feel, Jieun?" Dr. Lee asked. "Like I'm a bad wife," she said.

My heart broke at her words.

She continued, "I've failed as a wife, if my husband couldn't tell me these things. I've failed as a wife if my husband thinks the only reason I love him was because he was a prolific writer. I've been cold if my husband thought he couldn't approach me with his vulnerabilities. He always could before. You know, I understand that people can change. I know I have. But what I count on is for relationships to be the same."

A tear trickled down her cheeks, which I was quick to wipe. She looked at me. In those beautiful browns, I saw that she was sorry. I saw that she wanted to fix it now more than ever.

"Relationships change, Jieun. Your arguments originate from the fact that you both think you have a clear idea of who you are. And since that has started to shift, you both have the fear that the new you is ugly. You both argue about your differences, but you both have more in common than you'd think. Was this the case, looking back? Jieun, why don't you start?" Dr. Lee said.

Jieun took a deep breath, "Well, yes, that is true. Maybe deep down I knew that I was being cold. And that I should've been there for Jimin in a better way. I've just been defensive about it," she finished.

"And Jimin?" doc asked. "I feared that Jieun would realise that... I'm really not that special other than the fact that I'm a successfully published writer. There's not much that's memorable about me," I said.

I heard a sob from Jieun.

~After the session~

Jimin's POV:
The car ride home this time was just as quiet, but not because it was awkward.

"Jimin, I'm sorry," Jieun said. "No, Jieun, I'm sorry," I said. "I am at fault. I should've tried to understand you. And Jimin, please don't ever think that you're not special if you don't write. You're the most incredible man I've ever met and that's not because you write. It's because of what's left after the author persona fades away. I love you because you're an incredible father, and you awe me with how well you handle Sungho. I love you because you're a thoughtful friend. I love you because of how attentive you are with my needs, and our needs as a family. I love every single thing about you. I need you to know that you're more than an author, you're more than your passions," she said.

That was... all I had ever needed.

That was just when we reached home. I parked the car and immediately engulfed Jieun in a hug. I cried on her shoulder.

"I should've done better, baby. I'm so sorry," I sobbed. "I'm sorry too," she replied.

We had a nice meal together along with our beautiful son. My heart was filled with joy a the sight of my gorgeous wife and my ethereal son, who laughed and ate their food together.

I was gathering up my pillow and blanket for sleeping on the couch, when Jieun said, "Jimin? Stay with me tonight. Please?" I was about to cry again. I smiled and crawled next to her, planting a firm kiss on her lips, which she gladly accepted. I held onto her for dear life and she shed a tear which I could taste on our lips. The kiss was everything I wanted it to be. My heart broke at how fragile the two of us were now, but it also swole up, thinking of today. And the happiness trumped all the insecurities. We parted from the kiss and rested our foreheads against each other.

We were cuddling and Jieun said, "Do you think about working again?" "That's a joke, right?" I said. She snickered. Every dead flower in my heart bloomed again at the sound of those giggles.

"Have you thought about teaching?" she asked. "No... not really," I responded. "You could be a high school literature teacher. You'd be so good at that, Jimin," she said. "Imagine having to deal with ungrateful kids who think they know literature!" I exclaimed. "Not all are like that. And plus, they'd know you. Since you've written a brilliant book, they'd know and respect you. You could apply to the best school in town, Jimin. You would be a brilliant teacher!" she said.

This actually sounds very promising.

"Of course, you don't have to do it if you don't want to. I know the book paid a lot and everything. So it's not about the money. Just... thinking about getting in touch with our passions again, made me wonder, you'd be closer to your passion teaching kids about literature and inspiring them the way your teachers inspired you, than being at home and taking care of Sungho. He's growing up now, he can kind of take care of himself. We'll divide responsibilities, and be just as present in his lives as we are now," she finished. "I really like the idea Jieun. I'll get back to you with this, I promise," I said.

Looks like literature and I weren't over yet.

I smiled as I slept that night. Happier about everything.