Love After Love...

Chapter 48: "I don't feel heard."

~6 weeks later~

Author's POV:
Jieun was returning home after another hectic day at the clinic, another day of not breaking through with Yoongi. This was the longest she'd taken to reach a client, and she was slowly getting tired and exhausted. She could feel herself becoming drained out both physically and emotionally as she was driving home. She just hoped Jimin's warm hugs would take all of the weakness away.

Jimin, on the other hand, was straight-up struggling. He had reached no progress with his book, his writer's block was getting worse and worse each day. He was getting frustrated, because he'd always had a clear understanding of what topics he's going to write on, but he was now losing the motivation to continue.

Jieun reached home and heaved a heavy sigh. Jimin knew she was tired again. But he didn't greet her at the door. He was upset and losing faith in himself. Jieun noticed Jimin in his room, torn and crumbled papers lying on the floor. She creeped up to him and back hugged him, laying her head on his back and her arms around his tiny waist. He didn't react.

"Hey," she said. "So now I exist?" he said. She retracted her hands and tugged on his shirt, letting him know she wanted him to face her. He didn't turn. "What?" she asked. "Remember what we spoke about yesterday?" he asked. She was flustered. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she had zoned out. "Yeah, about your book and how you've struggled to write it lately," she said, making an intelligent guess, seeing the scattered papers. Jimin scoffed and said, "No, honey. We spoke about Taehyung and Hyejin, and how he's finally found someone he cares for. Well, we didn't speak, I did."

She fell silent. She didn't know what to say. Had she engrossed herself in the case so much that she didn't even listen to what Jimin had to say? And he was clearly struggling with his book, had she completely ignored him over her job? She felt a wave of guilt.

"I'm sorry. I must've zoned out," she said. Jimin now faced her and said, "Yeah... the way you have been for the last month and a half." "Jimin, I know. I'm sorry, but this case is taking up a lot of my energy and I'm facing a tough time with it," she said, defending herself. "And am I not? Am I not struggling? What do you know about what's been going through my mind since a while? What do you know about how much I've been struggling with my career? What do you know about how much I have needed a reassurance boost that you usually would give, but now you just don't. Why? Because your work has suddenly taken up all your time!" he said, raising his voice. "So what? You want me to just sideline my entire career for you? I can't do that, Jimin! This job is my everything! I've worked countless hours for this!" she said, raising hers too.

"Jieun! Why don't you understand? I don't want you to sideline your career at all! I know exactly how much this means to you! But earlier, before whatever this recent case is, I was a part of your life! I was someone you gave your attention to! I was a portion of the everything that is your life! Your work was also a part of the everything that is your life. I was someone that you spared some time for! And now, I'm the one that's completely sidelined! Your work is a part of the everything, it's not everything. You need to understand that. Jieun, I've been by your side when you need it, but don't you think I deserve that too? Don't you think, now that I need you, you should be there for me?" he said, his voice now reaching a lower decibel, but filled with sadness.

"Baby, I'm right here! Just talk to me!" she said, imploring. "Jieun, you're looking at me like I'm your client," he said.

She grew speechless. Oh god. What was she doing?

"You have never looked at me like that. You have your therapist state of mind when you're talking to me. Do you see how much your work has encroached upon us? And not just that, how many times have you cancelled on Wheein and Hyejin over this time? I heard you cancel on them every time they asked. Don't you think it hurts them too? You're pushing them away too? That's the thing about saying no, Jieun. After a while, people just stop asking," he said.

She felt tears roll down her cheeks. She couldn't say a thing. He took a deep breath before saying, "You told me you chose me. I just don't feel chosen at the moment. I don't feel heard. I feel very alone, even when you're in front of me."

What was she doing? She had become selfish! With such a wonderful man! She repented her actions over the past six weeks. "Think about what I just said, Jieun. If this is how it's gonna be for us... Well... This is important. I'll be at Taehyung's for a while," he said. He left. She didn't stop him.

Jieun couldn't sleep that night. She knew she had to do something about this. She can't lose Jimin, but this case was important too. She was at a crossroads, and knew she just needed some time to figure it out. So did Jimin.