My Destination, My Bondita

48 - Their Names Permanently Engraved

Seeing Bondita like that was not something that he had an easy time handling. Anirudh took Bondita's hand in his and pulled her to the side, his other hand clasping the papers that had their misspelled names. 

He took her behind his desk and sat her down on his chair. 

Batuk watched this with his mouth open. His Boudi did something wrong, and his Dada was seating her down on his chair? Batuk never got that kind of treatment! However, Batuk knew that his Boudi was sad, so he didn't overthink that matter. 

"Bondita," Anirudh said softly, placing the sheets of papers on his desk. "I won't ever leave you." 

She looked into his eyes and sadly asked, "Then what's the problem with accepting me as your wife? Do you want me to be the dust under your feet and be your servant? I will even do that Pati Babu, but please accept it." 

"Bondita don't say those things again!" Anirudh told her immediately, alarmed. "You can't be the dust under anyone's feet! You are meant to be so much greater. You're meant to do so much! Do you think I would want you to be my servant? You have to have something called self-worth and self-respect. Something that can only develop when you aren't dependent on me."

Tears flowed down her cheeks, and Anirudh used his thumbs to gently wipe them. She was crying uncontrollably. She even had snot forming around her nose, and Anirudh wiped that too lovingly. 

"Why can't I have self-worth and self-respect while being your wife too?" she asked, sobbing.

"Bondita, being a wife is something that you have to decide when you're at the right age. Right now, you're very young," he explained to her. 

"I'm not young Pati Babu!" she said loudly. "I'm not a child anymore!" 

Anirudh took a deep breath. He fell to his knees in front of her chair and took her hands in his, resting their entwined hands on her lap. 

"You're growing Bondita, I agree," he said to her. "But it's still not your age to think about marriage. You have to be older, and then decide whose wife you want to be." 

"Why does age matter Pati Babu?" she asked, "When I know what I want!" 

"How can you know that Bondita?" Anirudh asked her, his eyes wet. "When you haven't seen the world?" 

"I just know!" she screamed now, pushing his hands off hers and standing up. "I just know Pati Babu! I want you! I only want you!" 

Anirudh stood up along with her. 

"Bondita you can't know that! I'll be with you for your whole life, but I can't be your husband! They're two different matters!" he told her seriously. 

"Didn't you say I'm not a burden?" she screamed. 

"You're not Bondita!" he told her. 

"Didn't you say I'm special?" she screamed. 

"You are!" he accepted. "You're very special!" 

"Then what's the problem?" she screamed, eyebrows furrowing. "What's the problem when I know that you're who I want Pati Babu? Why do you treat me like a child? Don't you love me?" 

His heart hurt to see her this way, but she wasn't listening. She wasn't understanding. She didn't understand that being special and being a wife were two different matters! She didn't understand that her self-respect ought to be above all of this. 

"Bondita enough!" Anirudh bellowed, "Stop throwing a tantrum here." 

Bondita glared at him. He didn't understand that she might be young, but she had enough sense to know what she wanted. Her conviction that she wanted him was something that she just knew wouldn't change with time. Why didn't he have confidence that she truly loved and wanted him?