My Destination, My Bondita

41 - The Intensity of Feelings

Before Bondita returned, Anirudh told Batuk that they would continue tomorrow. After Batuk left the study, Anirudh just sat in his seat, trying hard not to think about the moment from earlier. 

Bondita had locked herself in her bedroom, sitting on the bed and clutching the sheets until she calmed down. 

Why had her Pati Babu's closeness affected her like that earlier? How come her cheeks were red? That was one of the symptoms of love, that she thought she felt for Vikram.

"No, I can't think about love," Bondita said to herself, because of the warning her Pati Babu had given her months ago. "But what is this feeling if not that?"

She pressed her hand over her chest, wondering why her heart had been beating so hard. 

After some time, Bondita stood up and looked in the mirror, making sure she looked okay. Not just okay, she looked at herself, wondering if she looked pretty. 

Would her Pati Babu find her pretty? 

All of these thoughts suddenly began to plague her mind. 

Who could she ask about what these things meant? Why did her cheeks turn red and her heart beat hard and fast around him? Why did she want to look pretty in front of him? Why did she like his attention?

In the last few months, even at school, she hadn't noticed when her notebook would be filled with his name. While blushing she used to write Anirudh all over it. She would pay attention in class, but there were small instances where she would begin to just write his name and feel her cheeks burn. 

Why did she do this? 

Why did she have dreams about him? 

Could she ask her Pati Babu? For some reason, she was very shy to approach him about this. There was a kind of shyness that never existed before between them. 

When Bondita finally went back downstairs and entered the study, she noticed that Batuk had gone. 

Oh no! Did he finish already? 

"Bondita," she heard her Pati Babu say, and she looked up at him, feeling her cheeks instantly heat again. "We are done for today." 

He wasn't meeting her eyes, and she gulped, unable to meet his too. 

"Okay Pati Babu," she said and picked up her papers and notebook, arranging them together and leaving the study with them. 

It was only later that night, when she was in her bed, when she had a chance to see him again. She was lying there, waiting for the moment he entered her room to sleep with her. 

Bondita was excited to see him, but also shy. 

When he finally entered her room and closed the door, she closed her eyes as his footsteps approached the bed. Anirudh got in bed next to her and just laid down beside her. 

Bondita opened her eyes and looked at him. He turned and glanced at her, but she turned her face away, blushing again. 

"Bondita," Anirudh murmured, "Are you okay?"

"Yes Pati Babu," Bondita whispered. 

Anirudh smiled at her and held his arm out so that she could cuddle inside. Bondita, who felt her heart beating fast in her chest, leaned close to him, lying on the bed beside him, but in his arms. 

He hugged her warmly and she squeezed her eyes shut, her heart still beating fast. 

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. The room was dark, but she could see the silhouette of his face. He looked so handsome, even in the dark.