My Destination, My Bondita

39 - The Woman He Held

That evening after Bondita came home from school with Batuk, the first thing she did was go upstairs and change her clothes. When she came back downstairs, she made her Pati Babu coffee and took it to the study. 

The study door was closed. 

Bondita knocked three times. 

"Come in," she heard his voice say, and she could tell just from his voice that something was wrong. 

It sounded like he had been crying. 

Bondita entered the study and walked over to his desk. Anirudh was looking down, busy in writing something. He wasn't looking up and his hair was a mess.

"Pati Babu, coffee," she told him, placing the cup of coffee on the table in front of him. 

Bondita had gotten a good grasp on many English words now, but she was yet to learn the language fluently. 

"Thanks Bondita," Anirudh said, still not looking at her, as his hands shakily reached to hold the cup. "Go and study now." 

Bondita slowly walked behind the desk and placed her hands on his shoulders from beside him. 

"Pati Babu, are you okay?" she asked him softly. "Did something happen?"

Anirudh stared at the cup of coffee, trying hard not to cry. What Manika had said to him earlier felt like rubbing salt on wounds. He had been trying so hard to ignore the feelings that were coming to the forefront, but Manika had completely exposed those feelings. 

"I'm fine Bondita," Anirudh said, still not looking at her. 

"Pati Babu, don't you want to hear what happened at school?" Bondita asked softly. 

"What happened Bondita? Did something important happen?" he asked, finally turning around and looking at her. 

When Bondita looked into her Pati Babu's eyes, she saw a Pati Babu who was different. She almost didn't recognize him. It seemed like he was distant all of a sudden. 

"No Pati Babu," she mumbled and she took a few steps back. 

She didn't want to push him or pressure him. She didn't want to add to his burdens or pain. She knew that if he thought she should know, he would tell her. 

"I'll go and study Pati Babu," she told him softly, and then turned to leave. 

"Good Bondita," Anirudh just said, and she smiled to herself before she left the study, always happy to hear words of praise from him. 

Anirudh just placed his head down on the desk and pressed his hands into his hair, continuing to push away the feelings that he knew were slowly overcoming his heart, his senses, and his mind. 

That night, when Bondita waited in her room, she was doubtful if Anirudh would come and sleep beside her. He had come everyday for the last six months, but this was the first time in that time frame that she had seen him looking this stressed out.

She was worried about him. 

"Durga Maa, please protect my Pati Babu," she prayed. "Please bring him happiness and take away his burdens." 

Then she got in bed and waited. 

It was not too long later when her room door squeaked open and Anirudh entered. She smiled in the dark room. He closed the door behind him and got in bed beside her. 

"Bondita," he murmured, stroking her hair lovingly as he laid down. 

She smiled and hugged him in her sleeping position. 

"Pati Babu, you came," Bondita said breathlessly. 

"Of course Bondita," he said softly, holding her protectively. 

She just smiled and closed her eyes, falling asleep instantly. 

As Anirudh held her to him that night, he decided that the best course of action would be to not get affected by Manika's words. Bondita was his responsibility, and that was it. Why should he let anyone else decide what Bondita was for him? He had grown attached to her, but she was just his responsibility, and he wasn't in love with her.  

He held her close as he reminded himself of this. 

This way, he could continue to hold her, he could continue to show her this kind of affection, without feeling like he was doing something wrong. He could continue to be with her and guide her. He could continue being friends with her, because their relation had outgrown the phase of just a mentor guiding his mentee. She had shown the maturity and deep thought process to stand by him as a friend would. 

She had become his closest friend. 

Even though she was young, mentally, she was very mature. 

He didn't know how he would be able to deal with the loss of a friend, a support system. Someone who understood him better than anyone else. 

Bondita meant so much to him, that putting his feelings into one category just seemed wrong. She was his pride, his honour, his biggest support. She was the wind beneath his wings, and the torch that would carry his dreams ahead. She had become part of every thought in his mind, and every breath he took even had become about her. 

How could he just define it? 

Anirudh pulled Bondita closer to him, rubbing her back as she slept, and that was when he felt it. 

Newly formed curves that he had never noticed before. 

Suddenly his breaths got heavier as he realized that Bondita was not the same child that he could just hold anymore. 

She had grown up. Her body had changed. Her body had developed with curves that Anirudh could feel in his hands. 

He looked away from her, his heartbeats now getting faster. He put some distance between her and him, and slowly released her from his hold. 

Then he closed his eyes and took deep breaths until he fell asleep. 

Anirudh Roy Choudhary didn't know what the future would hold. He didn't know what their relationship could be. However, there was one thing that he was absolutely clear about. He wouldn't hurt her in any way. He wouldn't lose control of himself in such a way that would destroy her innocence. 

For him, Bondita was everything, and she always would be, and he could never take advantage of her. 

-- 

Again the last chapter got so much love. Thank you my amazing readers. ❤️❤️❤️

I was going to post the epilogue of Journey first (and I'm even halfway done writing it), but I thought to post this in the meantime. Maybe I'll also post another chapter of this before the epilogue for Journey Ahead. If you haven't read The Journey Ahead, it's my other story on Anirudh and Bondita. You can find it on my profile. 

Please leave your thoughts about this chapter! Your comments motivate me so much. 

I am unwell as I have some kind of flu, but your love gives me so much energy, it doesn't even feel like I'm sick. I am resting lots, so you don't need to worry about me, but trust me, writing for you guys is like a therapy for me. ❤️