Chatbox thoughts

oh brother

This title is ironic and a pun because I need to vent about my mom and my brother. So, to set the scene, I am going to a friend's house for three days. Saturday through Monday we will be at her house staying up late and doing what teenagers do, having fun. I want to bring my brother along. Now he and I are fairly close. The friends we'd be around he generally likes.

My mom does not understand that I am not going to miss out on any second of this.  I spend way too much of my life alone and doing things I hate for me to pass this up.

But you talk about me coming home early in the morning or late at night. I almost laughed in your face. First I am not cutting my limited time with friends short just because my brother can't pull his act together for half a day. Second I am not driving an hour home on two hours of sleep. You are absolutely crazy. If you want us dead that badly you are going to have to try harder. And if you want to put my life at stake and the life of your son at stake fine. But I am not going to be the reason my brother is DEAD.

And what's worse is you keep getting him tested for who knows what. You think there's something wrong with him. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG with him stop looking for a reason to find a flaw. you are probably making him anxious with all these tests. he has people telling him all sorts of things. He has you showing him that there's something wrong with him he has his own grandmother years ago telling him he was "getting bigger".

It makes me so angry that you are doing this to him. You look at him and see flaws and It hurts. It freaking sucks that you can't see that there's nothing wrong. He just isn't putting in the effort you want, so you rationalize it as something being wrong.

This is not me being in denial about this. There is nothing wrong with him. There might be a slight disconnect in his short-term memory but it's not bad. he doesn't have an interest in it so it doesn't stick in his mind. I DID THAT! You didn't think anything was wrong here. I have heard him talk for hours about everything he loves that he's told me about a thousand times things that he saw months ago. There is nothing wrong. If he is gone for a small piece of a day it won't kill him.

He needs a break! He is under way too much stress and he needs to get out of the house. I know for a fact home lonely this house can get. He knows my friends and he kinda likes them. If I can get him out of the house maybe he'll feel better about other people. Maybe this will help him.

Honestly, this may look like I am complaining, and maybe I am, but based on what choices I'm making I am going to be responsible and bring us home alive.

So what if we are absolutely shot for the next few days. Since when has education been that important? We won't use most of this in the real world anyway.  But so what. All you care about is if your son gets his school done before the day ends. Who cares if his mental health is taking a toll. Who cares if you yell at him about not understanding something. Who cares if I can't address issues that I find because you're the adult or you shut down my arguments. Who cares.

Well, I care. I love my brother and as much as his younger child privileges annoy me, I still care that he is moving forward better than I was.

So with all this being said don't hate my mom. She really is great. I got off a lot better than a lot of people I know. We tend to have a loving relationship but all my anger has nowhere to go so I have to bring all my bad stuff here. So don't hate on her. I am just temporarily angry and I need to speak so I don't hold it forever.

Bye