Chatbox thoughts

Untitled Part 76

I can't even believe what I just have heard.

I was talking to this guy's girl...for him. I think she's clingy. I can get needing a break and time to yourself but he acts like he hates her.

I am lowkey now having to deal with all of my intrusive thoughts like...Am I like that?

I don't know what their relationship is like, but I wish he'd either break up with her or date her.

She's really sweet. I like her. I don't agree with her lifestyle at all. She's drunk and high constantly from what I can tell. Honestly she was a lot to deal with having just met her.

I felt bad leaving her with that idiot.

I can't even begin to process how upset I am with that conversation. She's cool. 

I don't get it at all.

Honestly, I am considering going outside and just walking off all of this extra adrenaline. 

Instead, I cried in a separate room.

This hits a few insecurities of mine so it makes it more personal.

To him, I would like to say...

Trauma is not an excuse. It's an explanation. Either break up with her or become better.

I was told you don't know how to love. That is absolute bullshit. I watched you help my boyfriend trim his mustache. You put time, effort, and care into that.

Is that not showing love to someone?

I know you didn't have good examples in your life. I get that. I am not shaming you for anything that happened to you, but I will die mad that you treated her like shit because you couldn't recognize that she deserves better.

Do you not know how you would like to be treated? Can you not take a guess at what she might be feeling.

I get that she's clingy. That is annoying I get that. There are things about Connor that make me want to strangle him in his sleep (song skipping exclusively). It overstimulates me and ticks me off astronomically for no good reason. You can ask him.

I get that she's a lot. But do you not have the capability to try and see things from her point of view?

Do not put a ring next to her name if you don't mean it nor do you intend on keeping that vow.

You know you're toxic. Either break up with her or be fucking better.

If you want a basic guideline of what love is I have a short list. Love is patient, it is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it keeps no record of wrongs, it does not insist in it's own way.

Sometimes it means listening to a drunk stranger in Michigan talk about random bull crap for a few hours. Sometimes, it means keeping your mouth shut about your opinions because listening to her is more important TO HER. Sometimes, showing love is talking to your girl for hours on end, trying to get her to calm down. Sometimes it is when you cry alone in the room next door because your boyfriend needs the sleep more than you need support.

She just wants you to support her. She wants to be understood.

Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is break up with her.

You've told her the truth about yourself. She won't make the decision that's best for her. Or even the decision that you think is best.

If you take none of my advice, fine. But heed this. Do not put me in the middle of your relationship again.

I have done a lot of field research on love. I've asked a lot of questions you can see my research if you really want to. But love is an active choice to put someone else before yourself. It is a choice to hold onto that person until the feelings come back.

I may not know a fuck ton about love but I know that Connor changed for me. He told me he wouldn't. I was ok with that. But he's slowly changed. I watched that happen.

A few weeks into our relationship (after telling me he hates Texans. which hurt. A lot), he told me that he would gladly move to Texas if it meant he got a few more moments with me.

Everyone's relationship is gonna look different but if you know you aren't mature enough for that or you know you aren't in a place to do that? Then start by making the best choice for both you and her. Put her needs above your own.

If that means you work on it so be it. I wish you the best. Genuinely I do. But if that means y'all break it off. Ok. Regardless I wish you courage.

Nobody's perfect. I am not asking you to be. Just be better.

If that cross tattoo behind your ear means anything, I am going to lose enough marbles for you to call me crazy. I knew I was crazy but now I'm mad.

You can tell I'm ticked about this because this is the third time I've unpublished this and added to it.