This is gonna get gross. I am just gonna complain.
I am pissed off right now. Not because he withheld turning me on. Even though he hasn't done it in a while, and that's frustrating in itself. But because I can't seem to get myself off.
I am so fucking mad that my body doesn't work.
My boobs hurt too. They look great for whatever reason, but they hurt. They've hurt since last week. I thought I was going to start bleeding out here eventually but it turns out that my body is once again just going to be a fucking twerp and do whatever the fuck it wants.
I am hungry, and there are ingredients in my house and nothing filling.
I want food. something that isn't carbs. I have been snacking on the crepes I made and the French bread sitting there for days. the leftovers are all gone and I just want something filling.
my stomach hurts because of that.
half the time i'm eating becuase I'm bored. I have no idea what to do with my life. and currently I'm bored of all the decorations in my room and want to take them all down but I still want to keep them but have nowhere to keep them.
my ass hurts. I'm not a fan of that.
But I am so fucking pissed off that I haven't been able to get myself off without one specific toy, and you have to clean it and charge it, and it's a lot of effort, and sometimes things dry up and flake EVERYWHERE, and I am not a fan of that.
hell, the toy used to work, but now I have to hunt to fucking find any spot that feels good and I have to hunt to find my clit.
I looked that up on the internet, and apparently, that's something that happens in menopause. I'M 19!!!! The other option is decreased sex drive...yeah no.
Unless sex drive is different than being horny and wanting to get off.
in which case why did nobody tell me this.
I need some medical advice.
I might just need help in general.
To top it off, I am going to Hawaii. Hopefully, I won't be depressed there.
I hate my body.
I like how I look but damn do I hate how it works.
I fucking give up.
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RandomSo this is my journal. My way of reaching out for help without feeling like a burden. Don't take this personally a lot of this was written at my angriest or when I was in the most amount of pain from the situation. If you are just starting reading...