Chatbox thoughts

Well, well, well

So it seems like my mother has found a new issue.

Quick update if you haven't been tuning in recently. I am depression free and have been for a few months. I finished my first semester in college and made an odd group of friends. So far, I am doing great!

My mother has taken issue with the fact that we want to spend the night at one of the guys' houses. I called home to ask if she wanted me to leave the car at the house or take it with me. I decided to be polite and ask if I could stay the night and lead into the car "issue." We had never encountered this situation before, and she immediately said, "No." Just no. She continued the argument angrily. Luckily once I got home, I discussed the issue with my father, and HE handled it like an adult. And because I respected that he handled it calmly and like we were both adults, I didn't spend the night.

However, I decided to bring up the issue again with my mother, and she immediately flew off the handle.

Today she told me, "Because we support you financially and emotionally, you need to respect the rules of our house."

For the record, I respect the rules of the house. I wouldn't be in their home if I were at a friend's. I get doing chores around the house. If you live here, pitch in. I get the curfew; it's a shared space, respect it. But this has nothing to do with her house.

Her reactions about me "obeying their rules" tell me this isn't about her wanting to keep me safe. I'm sure that plays a factor for her, and I know it's my dad's primary concern. But this is about control. I am almost certain. I have been wrong before and am not afraid to be wrong again. But she is lashing out at me to hold on to what little control she has.

I also brought up solo trips. She threw the predator argument at me. I know the risks involving any solo travel. There are a billion and a half things to consider when this stuff comes up. But I hope she brings it up with my dad so that an actual "they" can discuss it. Because I know she is throwing "they" around, not knowing if it is both of their opinions.

I think she needs to let go a little. But I also do not want to be kicked out of my own house. I do not have anywhere I can go and I cannot afford to go anywhere. With housing prices through the roof, I can't afford to move.

I don't want to get kicked out. I am terrified of what I will lose if I have to go. And I don't just mean belongings, I mean my family.