Chatbox thoughts

Questions to ask my boyfriend

Armadillos, they curl up into a ball because their belly is their most vulnerable part of them. for one to show you their belly they trust you not to hurt them.

I have had to look out for myself for a long time. I got comfortable being alone because it was safe.

You are safe to me that's why I'm bringing up a lot of this. Because when the devil tries to attack me and what I care about I can come to you and trust that you aren't going to judge me for it. I know that. I am secure and I am safe in our relationship. I bring these up because these are things I need to know as well as brings up things you need to know.

Why do you laugh at my fear of snakes?

Honestly my main question is why do you laugh at me? Because you do it a lot.

Because so far on the list of things you have laughed at me for there is...

My phobia of snakes

Me being flustered, which I don't mind but it does make things difficult

You laughed at me when I told you my ring size (Something you asked for!)

Lastly, my awkwardness and inability to accept affection. 

Did you ever think that there was a reason why I am that way? I have been laughed at and made fun of for everything. Every little mistake and slip up.

I know I seem like everything rolls off my back a lot of it does. I don't mind all of it. but this is a lot to me.

I was overthinking this morning about intimacy. And I realized that I am scared to be vulnerable. I have been hurt with every other person in my life (except one) who I even attempted vulnerability with. It is only recently that I have been able to talk with my mom about issues that I hate talking about. And I still can't really face my dad.

Also please keep in mind not only did your comment on wanting to hear what I sound like stick in my head so does any conversation we end up having about us possibly having sex.

And it makes me uncomfortable because I have never had to trust someone like that. I have never had to trust that someone wasn't going to make me feel ashamed of my body the way that I am ashamed of my body.

I have never had to trust someone not to damage me like that.

Am I reciprocating affection well?

How much of our conversations have you told other people? And Bill?

Believe it or not I am not a public person! I do not want any of my issues reaching the light of day.

I am fucking scared. And I need to trust that I can come to you with the things that I am terrified of and not be laughed at. I will pull away. I need to trust that you aren't going to damage the walls I have built. I have let you through the walls, no one else. I need to know that you will not leave me vulnerable to them.

I love you and I trust you. But in order to be comfortable trusting you these are my questions.

Do you trust my reaction to your thoughts?

You hold back a lot.

I'm dating you. That means I want to marry you. I want to be inside your head. I know you shake your head at me and say no

Do you not trust that I will be ok with the thoughts inside your head?

Because the reality is you don't know that until you let me in.

I will not force you to talk about the things you do not want to. If you want to tell me please do. If you feel the holy spirit keeping your mouth shut ok. That's fine too.

But you have to trust that I am going to catch you. I will be there to pick you back up when you fall.

Do you trust me with your insecurities?

I know I wear my insecurities on my sleeve and they are a fucking truckload to deal with but I want you to come to me with everything. You once told me that it didn't matter whether or not you were having a bad day. It was your job to help me no matter what you were going through.

You aren't alone anymore.

I want you to tell me everything even if it makes me uncomfortable. I cannot be excluded from your mind if you really want me to be your wife.

And I understand that everything comes in due time but just try and trust me.

What am I missing about you?

I know I'm dense. And you said there are some things I haven't figured out yet. Reactions that correlate to behaviors or feelings that I haven't picked up on.