Is anybody else terrified that they are gaslighting themselves into believing that they have trauma? When the likely reality is that you are gaslighting yourself into believing otherwise.
I've actually held conversations with my dad that didn't end with me being angry. I told him to stop doing some things that were making me uncomfortable. I told my mom that I had anxiety. She definitely is refusing to believe that But both of her children have rather severe anxiety and a startling lack of things in common.
But I was looking up a narcissistic personality Just to see if that was my mother. It wasn't but It lead me to look up C-PTSD
complex ptsd is trauma that is prolonged or repeated. in an environment where you are being held physically, or emotionally captive.
Now I got this off of the same website I have been finding all this information on mental health. which is terrifying because a lot of other websites don't tell me the same stuff. I've been trying to convince myself that they are just showing the extremes of these cases. But I am terrified to know if it's true and I have been accusing my parents of abuse when it's just all in my head.
I am pretty sure I have C-PTSD, but If I don't and I tell somebody that and the word gets out and I am wrong, I could ruin their lives. I don't hate my parents, but my mind is dying inside of here. and I have to tell someone real.
Knowledge is a curse. you don't know enough people make fun of you. Now you know too much and you are constantly caught in the crosshairs of devil's advocate and compassion or empathy.
For instance, I feel empty to the point where I was close to physically removing the empty feeling but I know that wouldn't help anything. but I remain empty. I have tried a lot of things to fill it. but none of them have worked and Biblically there is a solution but I don't even know what steps to take to start that.
I know I can ask but I haven't. Because my body won't move to do anything. (ADD, yet another thing I'm pretty sure I have).
granted that's the only reason why I haven't ripped my skin completely off is that my body won't move.
now I'm just hungry. Still empty just more hungry
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https://www.verywellhealth.com/complex-ptsd-5094628
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Chatbox thoughts
RandomSo this is my journal. My way of reaching out for help without feeling like a burden. Don't take this personally a lot of this was written at my angriest or when I was in the most amount of pain from the situation. If you are just starting reading...
