Chatbox thoughts

Untitled Part 79

Sometimes, a small piece of sadness finds its way into your soul. it sits there and refuses to move. not that I've tried to move it.

the dull pain reminds me I'm still missing someone.

not that I think I could forget.

I was watching Bridgerton today, and the main character listed reasons why she loved her husband. I just looked at that and thought about my own love.

My love, my life. Connor.

I think I fell in love the moment you asked for my number. It took me just the right amount of time to text you and a very short amount of time after that to date you. 

I told you once that loving someone requires no reason.

I am still right

I know I love you. You know the list of songs I have that make me think of you? I might have to delete it becuase every song makes me think of you.

Everytime I pick up your sweatshirt and feel just a little bit of pain at the loss I know I love you.

Everytime I hear about you going through depressive episodes as bad as mine alone and the only thing I want to do is yell at you for hurting yourself again I know I love you.

In your email you adress yourself as my husband.

I can't wait to marry you.

I would have married you last week. I was willing to run away from home to see you for a week! I would have married you in a heartbeat. Even if that meant nothing would have changed between us. (Nothing would have. I would still be living at home and you would still be gone).

I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to raise kids with you. I want to go on adventures in the great wide somewhere with you. I want to do weird things and have you look at me like I am strange for the rest of my life.

I want to have water gun fights with you. I want to shove a paper bag over your head and watch you still get hit on. I want to go to our kids games, or dance recitals, or plays with you. I want to invite our friends over.

I want to be the house that feels like home to them. I want to build the home we wanted with you.

I've seen marriages that are like a prison. Where the only thing you want to do is be free of that person. You feel trapped by the other person.

well fuck...you called right as I finished that sentence. I have never been an emotional person. but I you have made me cry more than I have in years.

I have never felt trapped with you.

I have been alone and trapped in my tower for years. you do not make me feel trapped.

you make me want to do something rash actually.

Home has never been a place I wanted to be. until you became home. and with you is the only place I want to be.

I love you for no explainable reason. I want to marry you for thousands of reasons that desert me when I look in your eyes for too long.

You'll read this eventually. I'll probably tell you pieces of this in our vows.

But know this.

I love you. Always and forever, beloved. I promise.