Chatbox thoughts

What needs to be said

What would you say to them? If they gave you the chance.

...

I don't like the way you talk to me. Your jokes aren't funny. They're just insults.

You both used to joke about any little mistake Alex, or I made. Mistakes are supposed to be normal. You both made fun of me when I was grossed out by sex, I was 8. Why did you laugh at me for that? Why did you laugh at a child for disliking sex? I can't even change my mind about things now without one of you commenting about how I was in the past. You both make such a big deal of things that I feel trapped with my past decisions.

You've been joking so much about how you are going to kick me out that I am terrified you are going to.

You both bullied Alex and I constantly with your nitpicky humor. The constant ridicule masquerading as a joke. I'm terrified to screw up because you point out every mistake I make. I'm terrified to cry because people make fun of you if you cry.

And you don't apologize ever. Mom, you called me a pig why? You struggle with so many body issues. did you think it was OK to tell me I was being a pig. Why did you say that to me? I'm not self-conscious about the way I look why are you trying to make me? And then when I confronted you about it later you just said, quote: it was just a joke.

I get criticized for liking my interests. I'm scared, you're going to comment when I look happy.

Both of you have me questioning your every move and motive. I don't trust you to help me. I don't trust you with my real thoughts and my real emotions because you taught me, they weren't welcome.

And both of you are so angry at the world and you take it out on me. What did I do to deserve this?

Dad, you snap at me for asking questions. You say "go back to your room" or "go back to sleep" I was a kid who was trying to be a part of your conversation.

Mom, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells some days trying not to set you off. Because whenever you are in pain or annoyed you snap at Alex and me.

I was upset at my Mirabel skirt and said that it was painful for me to look at because it made me feel awful about myself and you got angry at me! Why did you get angry? You have no reason for that. You didn't spend months on it I did. I was coming to you to get some assurance that God was actually looking out for me, and you snapped at me and LEFT.

Instead of training the dog to not attack me you, dad, said "He needs to much" but when Alex got bit by a dog you gave the dog away. September 3rd, 2021. I got attacked 12 times that day while you were at Clint and Donna's. while all of you were having a good time, I was home with a dog who attacked me every time I stepped out of my room.

And on top of that did you know I have angrophobia? I am terrified of people being angry. If there is the slightest chance that I think someone is going to be angry at me, I won't do it. It took me months to be able to use the microwave at work. I almost didn't tell y'all that I was in a car accident because I feared what you would do.

And I tried to tell you, mom, how awful I feel about that whole situation, and you just brushed me off. I almost did that week because of how bad it got in my head that day. And I didn't dare try and talk to you, dad, about any of it became you would snap at me and say, "well you shouldn't have gotten into a car accident in the first place."

Also, dad, why did you agree with Mr. Chuck a few Sundays ago when he called me immature. I told you exactly why I didn't like him and yet you just let him say that.

I've given you both opportunities to change. I have given you glimpses into what goes on in my head and you have failed every single one of those opportunities.

Dad, you did better on the Disney trip. You didn't get angry at me until the last two days.

What needs to change?

Their behavior. They need to start treating me like I am a brick wall that all their jokes can bounce from. I want to be respected as a person. I don't want to be scared to be myself around y'all. I don't want a fake apology from either of you.

Whatever you say I want it to be real

The question is if you are being real will I believe you?