Chatbox thoughts

Untitled Part 80

80...dang, I wrote a lot in three years.

But that's not the point.

I just realized how sweet my boyfriend is.

When I got to Hawaii, I was exhausted from a plane ride. This man not only told me to lay on his bed, but he also tucked me in!

and then cuddled me.

That is not only adorable but really sweet.

He always checks up on me, even texting other people to see how I am.

idk if he does that when I am home, but he did that when I was there.

He deals with my overstimulated depressive shut-offs with so much grace. I never realized how much I needed gentleness in my life until now.

I was once told that the fruits of the spirit come from God. 

I know what you're thinking—old news.

Let me go on.

She said that there have been times in her life that she has been loving or kind or gentle and that did not come from her. she had no idea where that came from. "did that come from somewhere inside me? no. It came from God."

That had changed so much of my outlook. I have never been patient. But God blesses me with patience when I am dealing with people who have made major mistakes in their lives and with drunk people in conversations.

I used to be angry at everyone and everything and I hated myself for it and god took that and replaced it with patience.

and the love of my life. who all his life has had to step up and be the provider and be the person everyone relied on and had to deal with everybody else's shitty mental health has now been gifted with gentleness.

I don't even think he knows it.

He may poke at me for sleeping on his side of the bed, but he still kisses me, tucks me in, and brings me coffee.

I have seen so many small expressions of love from this man.

it can be so hard to look at some of the stupid things he says or the habits that irritate me to no end. But there has never been a day where I haven't felt loved by him.

even on the bad day with the legos. we may have been distant that day, and we may not have fixed the hurt, but we ended the day in each other's arms.

He is so fucking considerate. we only did one day of really intense making out, much to my disappointment. but he made sure my face wasn't hurting more than it had to. he even had a friend help him put product on his mustache so he wouldn't hurt my face.

he once stopped making out with me specifically so he could check to make sure I wasn't bleeding again.

he has done so much for me and I don't deserve any of it.

I will probably call him stupid until the day he dies. he is stupid for choosing to love me. Because damn I don't deserve it.

here's to my 80th writing page on chatbox! I'm glad it's spent hyping up my husband. he deserves it.