Appetite for Mars: A Steven Adler X Mick Mars Tale

Chapter 9 -Diary Entry

A/N: A month has passed, and details on the development of Steven's x Mick's relationship are given, and what's going on or lack thereof....

So...ok, been a bit here. Another month has passed.... we started out touring with Motley in what? Hmm, March I think.... weird if you ask me, tours I thought usually started like Summer. But whatever. So now it's like.... July. Anyway, lots to tell. I'll start with the most obvious: Mick and me. So, damn I keep saying 'so' a lot so far...see did it again! But back on track, Mick and I had become friends, the night I got wasted in my hotel room with him...or it was just me getting wasted.... He took care of me, came to my rescue like I was the fair maiden, and he was the prince. I cannot shake the feeling...that I've done something wrong though, I DON'T know what I said to him that night, but Mick gets upset when I have tried to mention it.

However, we have hung out whenever we have free time, in between sets and after shows. I try not drink so much.... but ok, lying.... i do drink.... rock star thing, right? The weird thing about Mick and I hanging out is, I come to him.... I initiate with, 'Hey wanna hang out?'. I mean Mr. Anti-social for sure. And I STILL DON'T know hardly anything about him, and I would love to know the real him...but then again that fucking petrifies me for so many reasons.

I have meanwhile, chatted about everything under the sun. However, there is something else I've really been noticing or focused on: Mick's eyes. They are an icy blue, like frost...but mixed with grey. But his eyes, I can see weird things in them....in their depths: Pain, sparks of joy, strangeness and yeah, I may be naïve as hell, but I am determined to be friends...maybe more if it kills me. More progress to report for Mick and me: He likes to crack jokes, which is surprising each time he does, but maybe it's because of me? Maybe it is, I don't hear him do those kinds of things with anyone else, but anyway...... For instance, when we were hanging out in HIS hotel room the other night:

"Here, I've emptied out my crap.... time to see if you're really travel sized." Mick had gestured to his suitcase with a flourish. I rolled my eyes, feeling playful.

"Mars, you CAN'T be serious."

"Come on..." Mick teases me and after I flip him off, I get into the suitcase and attempt to curl up and I crow at him triumphantly with a shit-eating grin.

"Ha!! See? NOT travel sized!"

"I Do SEE, I stand corrected or rather I would.... But still your legs are short, so the fact you can fit enough in my suitcase to sit in it.... still travel sized, half -sized!" Mick chuckles.

"Ugh, whatever Mick!" But I can't stop smiling.

So, the other day was fun, and I didn't mention that Mick invited me to hang out in his room, so progress, I guess. But still those feelings...won't go away...so I decided to ask for advice...I went to Axl.... since he's married, and to an older man...and has more relationship experience than I do. I asked him earlier today in our dressing room, just him and me....

"So um, Axl?" I practically squeaked.

"Lemme guess Mars?" Axl, adjusted his bandana. I nod, "What do you wanna ask?"

I cleared my throat, "Well...we've been hanging out...he's really fun." Axl looked incredulous, not that I blame him in the least. "I mean he-he cracks jokes...and too, he's like come to my rescue a couple of times." I failed to mention to Axl my near rape, I can't talk about that to anyone.... but Mick.

"So, you love him?" Axl gets to the point....

"Well..." I started slowly, "I-I have feelings, I mean I really like him, I don't think I'm in love, but I could be."

Axl had sighed, "Popcorn it's obvious already you love him.... or have very strong feelings. You're too much in your head, the age thing is a big problem for you.... but more over.... HIM."

"No, it's NOT a big problem for me! It's Mick's problem." I started shouting, not caring who heard. "I'm a kid, he's called me that.... he doesn't...I mean he makes me second guess myself, I don't know what to do!! I want to ask him if he likes me or has feelings for me."

Axl was unfazed at my outburst and apologizes, "Sorry steven...I only meant, it doesn't bother you his age...I mean...but then....it bothers you, because you feel too young and he makes you feel conflicted, maybe even make's you feel like he's using you...." I'd cut him off...

"Yeah, you're right...should I actually say anything though?" I'd whispered.

"Maybe, test him...go slow...." Axl advises and then had proceeded to give more advice, which was great advice, but I couldn't believe him when he said Mick might actually have the same feelings, I did...I couldn't...I still don't.

So here I am, in my hotel room...alone.... writing, drinking...well drinking some and munching on candy and chips. Seeming sad and lonely...so fucking lonely.... i think though that maybe, just maybe I could try and use Axl's advice.... maybe, I will....

AANNNNDDD, the sugar's kicking in and oooh, feeling tipsy.... maybe keep writing? Yeah sure, though it...be...wonder if anyone can read it.

I still have that nightmare, that nightmare where Mick and I have sex and then he breaks my heart the next morning and we fight.... over and over, every night...but then there have been OTHER dreams.

I've dreamed, that we're a couple.... married and happy, I've dreamed of a wedding...but it's like everything was blurred...but I felt happy. Such happiness and love.... the good dreams are even more torturous than the nightmare...blurred as they are, they still feel real...fucking sucks!!

Then I have dreamed about random shit, still involving Mick...like him and I getting lost in a liquor factory and drinking all their booze.... like a drunken Alice in Wonderland.... that one is my favorite.... because it's hilarious!! And then there's another dream where Mick for some reason is a butterfly is, but a monarch butterfly.... which is really, weird.... maybe that's the booze talking?

Oooh, I feel weird now.... Booze makes me seepy.... yet...no sweepy, hyper as duck......betta quit witting.... night.... night.

A/N: A diary entry, conflict, a bit of humor and advice...next we will see if Steven tries Axl's advice and if Mick x Steven become a couple...at least some kind of couple....Stay tuned!!