Appetite for Mars: A Steven Adler X Mick Mars Tale

Chapter 14- The morning after: This is a mistake?

A/N: What comes of the morning after? Heartbreak....and fights.... but mainly a broken heart....The song 'Cold as Ice' Included for the chapter....please give a listen...now on with the show....

I wake up with a groan, closing my eyes with a wince at the daylight...morning already? Last night was.... not what I expected...Mick, Mick despite being drunk or semi-drunk was surprisingly tender when I did not expect it and it just felt SO good... I open my eyes slowly and wince again...geez my ass...my entrance is sore....and come to think of it so are my hips...and walking? Not sure...and too, have a slight hangover....and it occurs to me just now, Mick isn't in bed with me...I look around in panic before realizing he's sitting fully dressed in a chair.

"Morning!" I smile brightly, but quickly frown when I notice.... Mick's eyes, he looks guilty, and his jaw is tight...face as stone. "What's wrong? Did.... I do something?" I ask slowly, afraid for him to answer before it hits me: we'd been drinking...not outright drunk....and oh my god, my nightmare!! It's the beginning of it!! No, no! maybe I can make things, ok? I subconsciously, pull the sheets around my naked body, drawing my knees up to my chest.

"Last night...last night, I'd, we'd been drinking....and i.... got a little rough with you...and last night was a mistake, Steven. It never should have happened." Mick exhales and drops his gaze, looking ANYWHERE but me. I have no choice but to live my nightmare.... god, I don't fucking want to!!

"B-But.... I Don't understand. I mean...we weren't wasted...I-I remember every moment. I mean...it felt SO good...so right...how can you say that it was a mistake? It didn't feel like one...you...were surprisingly..." I stammer before Mick cuts me off...

"DON'T...JUST DON'T." Mick growls, before sighing, "Last night was a mistake, all of this was a mistake. Kid, you just don't understand. I took something from you that I can never give back! I hurt you...I didn't...didn't mean to. But we're just too different! This, won't work!" His voice raises with every word, and I start seeing red, as I angrily down some Tylenol and fumble for my jeans, yanking them on...shaking with fear, hurt, and anger. Mick STILL isn't looking at me...and I feel like I am breaking...because of HIM.

"I told you never EVER to call me a kid you asshole!!! I can't fucking help my age, ok?! And yes, I saw the bruises around my hips, and there was blood...but...I told you...I was a virgin....it felt good...you were...tender, made sure...I was ok....and maybe I'd fucking understand if you'd tell me just exactly what your issue is with me!!" at this point I am standing up shakily, gathering my crap, pulling my t-shirt over my head waiting for him to respond....my heart breaking before my eyes, I can practically see the shards fall, piece by piece...

"Steven...I, it's for the best. Please try to..." I cut him off and grab a pillow from the bed and throw it at him, hard enough to where he grunts at the impact and looks at me, stunned.

"It's not for the best!! It's not!! I loved you, ok? I would not have slept with you totally sober or even drunk if I didn't love you!! I knew it...I fucking knew.... you've never cared for me, I'm always the one initiating contact, always me!!! You brush me off, making me second guess myself...since I've met you, you've made me feel torn in two...always making me confused...second guessing myself, its all YOUR fault Mick Mars! Not mine." I scream, before taking a breath, shaking...very shaky, "we have the makings of a great couple...I think we could have been great together...I.... you just used me for your own gain, a toy to be discarded. I'm NOT A KID AND NOT A TOY. You're a heartless, selfish son of a bitch and therefore I was afraid to love you!! Because...I knew in the end, you'd hurt me. Who is the real 'kid' here? Me? No, its YOU. Whatever your reasons, they're bullshit!! Congratulations!! You've broken me....and I am...done with YOU! Don't talk to me, don't come near me!!"

"Steven..." I cut him off yet again...I'm SO done, yet...he still has a hold on my heart.

"Why won't you look at me?!! Is that why you took me from behind? So, you wouldn't have to look at me?!" My Voice shaking with anger, barely holding back tears. "You have no more right to say anything...NONE. I wanted to be a couple...I...wanted...YOU. To be free to love you Mick...why won't you see? Why? And you said you'd 'try', it was all lies and complete and total fucking bullshit. You're a monster! a heartless monster.... you've said and done enough...I'm done...and fuck it...keep my jacket...because I don't want it anymore...just like you don't want me, don't love me.... I hope your happy Robert Allan Deal!!" I stand there fuming and he looks shocked that I know and called him by his real name...., "Yes I know your real name.... about the only thing...or few things I know about you. You feel like a stranger...you ARE one." My tone spent and much quieter.... i turn and head for the door and slam it with all my might and let loose loud shuddering sobs...and I hear breaking glass, sound a lot like my heart....as I head to my room and the walk of shame....

I shakily, open the door to my room and curl up in a ball on the floor and sob...and scream...scream till I'm hoarse......and I am not sure how much time passes.... but I hear...something strange...like the sounds of an animal in pain....is it me? I don't know.... i think that I doze off....and then I hear knocks at the door, hesitant ones....

"Go away!! I wanna be alone! Please..." I beg whoever it is....

"It's me...it's axl...please, open the door..." axl sounds very worried.... i guess the whole hotel heard me and mick going at it....

Shakily, I open the door getting off the floor....and fly into his arms, needing a friend....and Axl...guides me to lay down on the bed and he hugs me once again....

"Oh pop-corn.... we heard.... you guys last night...but earlier...I am SO fucking sorry."

"It...it HURTS.... he b-roke...my heart.... he.... I still love him Axl.... why? he was tender last night, he took time to make sure I was ok! Promise me...you won't hurt him!! Please.... Axl..." I end up begging him...Mick still won't let me go...I can't help but still love him...

Axl sighs heavily, "You can't control who you fall in love with. I hate to say Izzy was right in what he said. And I won't hurt Mick, I know despite your screaming match.... you still love him. Doesn't mean, he won't get a verbal ass kicking...but I won't say anything to him unless you want me to."

"I want to believe Izzy, I do....and.... yes, I still love him very much.... but I don't trust...him....and my nightmares are coming true.... you...don't understand...don't." I am starting to hyperventilate. Axl, starts panicking, trying to calm me down....

"Shh...whoa...hey...calm down..." The way he is saying that reminds me of Mick calming  me down.... i need to get out of here....

"N-No...I need air...need get out..." I manage to break his hold and make a break for the door, and I feel Axl's strong skinny arms around me.

"You're in no shape to go anywhere popcorn...please...please calm down..." He holds me tightly for a while until I quit thrashing and the walls stop closing in....

"I wish....in time he will see...that Mick will see.... but I...don't know." I whisper....my hell, my nightmare...is just starting, and my mental state.... will only get worse...and I fear what it will take to get Mick to see if he ever SEES at all....

A/N: A Heartbreaking morning after, things are really going to be very rough for poor steven for a while, especially with what is coming next for him: an unexpected pregnancy.... which in the next chapter...he will start noticing strange things.... did anyone catch the hints of Mick's real feelings? A reading between the lines, as it were. And surprising comfort from a friend for Steven...so much more to come!