Appetite for Mars: A Steven Adler X Mick Mars Tale

Chapter 16: What am I going to do?!!-Gotta Hide It Part 2

A/N: Same night, all alone thinking.... about what to do, plus more!

Still sitting up in bed, still alone, still watching tv....and my hands are still on my stomach. I groan quietly, starting to get dizzy and close my eyes...hoping it will pass.

"Please...please..." I choke out in a whisper, groaning. It takes a few minutes and the spell passes, so I reach for the water, and Gatorade I have by the bedside table and guzzle it. I think I need to try and eat? Maybe the strawberries? Or the pop tarts? Well, the strawberry pop tarts are closest to me, so pop tarts it is. "Hope you like these, I mean for some reason I really want strawberries and strawberry flavored stuff, and plus mommy's puked enough tonight. I haven't puked this much since I got black out drunk hanging out with daddy. By the way no drinking until your 18, don't do the stuff I've done." I say seriously to my stomach, as if my baby can hear me. I munch happily on the pop tarts, minimal crumbs spilled...certainly not the worst thing to happen to me, especially since I've been on tour. Before I know it, the box is gone.

"Ok, so now what? I need something besides pop tarts.... oooh, burgers! But ugh have to go back out..." I pause, "Ah-Ha room service!" So, I call room service and wait, having a burger brought of course, no sooner than I finished eating when my nausea reared its head again and fucking great, I have to pee! So, I carefully stumble my way to the bathroom and piss and stumble my way back to bed and get under the covers.

"Please...please...I hate this, getting sick...I don't want to get sick again tonight..." I plead crying, this sucks...I love my baby, I do...but this hurts...being so alone. My body doesn't listen, and I sprint to the bathroom and throw back the covers and vomit...but in the sink.... gross! "Uggh! So much!" I cry. Finally, I stop, brush my teeth, and gargle mouth wash yet again...and nibble slowly, on some peppermint candies and some chocolate bars....and finally go to sleep...if I can...the nightmares will come...they always come....

I manage to get a few hours of sleep, 3 to be exact, before I wake up again and again watch tv and then I try and go back to sleep, takes forever and the next thing I know, I wake up to a pounding on the door and hear:

"Hey dude!! Izzy sent me to wake you, you want breakfast? We're gonna go down and eat." Tommy Lee's ever cheerful voice chimes, I groan quietly into my pillows and manage to get up and answer the door....and I freeze.... oh god, here we go...what will I say to Tommy? I'll just have to lie, say I got too drunk or something...hopefully my baby will forgive me.

"Hey Tom! I know I look rough man, drank too much last night. Ya know?" Tommy looks at me strangely and is concerned.

"Are you sure something isn't wrong? I guess, um...it's Mick, right? You've been super depressed."

"Tom, I'd tell you if something were wrong...and yeah I guess it all goes back to mick." I say bitterly, feeling tears in my eyes before putting on a smile, "Let me get dressed and all and I'll be right down, ok?" Tommy nods, ever cheerful once again. He waits outside my door while I puke, damn morning sickness, tame my hair somewhat and put on make-up to where I am satisfied, I don't look pale and wear of course baggy clothes, not super baggy but they serve their purpose. I fall into step with Tommy and the guys join us....and Mick is no where to be found, and I hope he doesn't show up.

Once down at breakfast, seemingly no one notices anything super amiss, just the usual me looking sad and crying over Mick...always Mick. I do manage to eat some breakfast, not much...God knows I try....and then...Mick shows up and I go to get up and leave and I feel Duff's fingers around my wrist....

"Hey.... we won't let him hurt you...maybe you guys should talk? Or something?"

"Duff let me go, please..." My tone desperate, "Sides I need to pack my shit and get on the bus."

"Popcorn..." I cut him off with an apologetic smile...

"Duff, I can't be around him...not now. Besides he hates me..." I whisper. Mick is apparently now at the table...not that I look at him and Duff releases me. And I catch Mick's gaze and we stare for a moment at one another, and I burst into tears and lose my temper a bit, pointing at him, "This...see, is what you get...see what you've done! Look at me! Take a good fucking look asshole!"

He opens his mouth as if to say something, and I cut him off and everyone looks stunned by my outburst as i say, "No...save it. Why do I bother?!!!" and turn and walk away upstairs to my room and gather my stuff, nausea returning.... but I don't puke and head towards the bus...and run into Mick...again.

"Steven? Look...I...I just don't know...what to say." Mick sounds so unsure. Why?

"Really?!! You don't know what to say?!" I fume, trying to calm down for the baby's sake. "Look, I told you...leave me alone...you still don't fully see Mick.... if you let yourself FEEL everything or hell anything...you could find the words." My tone sad as I shuffle past him and down to the bus, heading straight for my bunk and I curl up in a ball....

What does it mean? He keeps showing up, when I don't want him to...yet I want him to if that makes any sense at all. I just want this to stop!! He thinks I've lost it now? If I see another glare when I talk to Tommy or Nikki or whoever, God have mercy on Mick Mars.... ouch, maybe it's my hormones talking? That and the fact I am so very broken....so broken hearted, spirited and I have an unborn child I am hiding...and I have that to think about.

I....

I am brought out of my thoughts by the sounds of several loud voices.... just great!! I both want to be alone...yet I need my friends. A knock sounds on the door...damn, should have locked it.

"Hey popcorn, you in there?" Axl's voice sounds out.

"Yes! Go away Axl!" I groan loudly...the Door opens anyway, I huff.

"Steven...you must really be upset.... but look I am here for you, ok?" I feel Axl rub my back. "Get some rest, ok? I wanted to check on you."

Turning over, I manage a smile, "yes...I am and thank you. Seriously means a lot!" We chat a few minutes and then he leaves, and I fall asleep...the nightmares returning...

A/N: Think this was a confrontation between Mick and Steven? Just wait till the next chapter, jealousy...steven calling out Mick, still so much hurt and anger. Can't wait to hear thoughts on this chapter!