Appetite for Mars: A Steven Adler X Mick Mars Tale

Chapter 12- Is this Love that I'm Feeling?

A/N: Wherein concerns are raised by Steven's bandmates, a talk and what may lead to steven x mick having their night together!

We've just come off stage doing our set, the others interacting with their partners for a bit before Motley takes the stage. Mick is no where to be found...I mean.... oh, well never mind. Leaning up against the wall, already in his stage outfit. I walk over to him feeling nervous and he has that strange look in his eyes, though as fucking always his face shows nothing. I sigh internally.

"Hey Mick! Did you catch the set?" I'm still pumped, full of adrenaline yet...nerves are all over the place.

"Yes, I did." Mick answers, surprising me...because from what I know, he doesn't usually even if we are 'seeing' each other or whatever.

"SO, what'd ya think? "I press, really fishing for emotional reaction.... i don't know.

"Killer as always." Mick smirks and I find myself frowning, he adds on, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Guess see you tonight? Your room or mine?" I brush off his question.

"Mine," He says slowly, before adding, "You want to drink? I got more booze in my stash!"

I give him a smile, I don't FEEL, "Sure sounds great!" I look to see the guys motioning to me, "Oh looks like I gotta go for now! Um, can I kiss you?" I go to kiss him, and he stops me.... right...this bullshit again?! Brushing me off, not wanting to kiss me or something.... making me conflicted as fuck.

"Not now.... I'll see you later." Mick hesitates, but I get angry and jerk away from him like I've been burned. And I glare....and I do mean GLARE.

"Whatever....and know what? Never mind! I'll drink on my own. Wouldn't like wanna shame you or something!!" At this point, I am outright screaming at him. Mick's jaw is tight.... but his eyes.... his eyes.... i, I can't!! I turn, but to my surprise.... he catches my wrist to stop me...., "Mick Mars...I SUGGEST...you let me go!"

"Steven.... I'm sorry.... really." I'm not really looking at him, I can't.

"Fine, we can still 'hang out' in your room. I'll bring candy." I soften my tone and then I take my wrist out of his grip, heart pounding and I turn and walk away....

Once back in the dressing room we all change out of our stage clothes....and I find myself in tears....

"Popcorn? I think we should all talk. You look like you need it. What did Mars say to you?" Slash's tone is very concerned, and everyone is looking at me. Axl looks sad and ready to kill at the same time .... uh oh.

"I-I...I...." I break down even more and hold my head in my hands. I feel someone's arms around me and from the smell of cigarette's: Izzy.

"Shh, Pop-corn...we got you." Izzy soothes and I manage to stammer out....

"I...just...don't know...if I'm in love....is this what love is supposed to feel like? He wouldn't let me kiss him...that's why I ended up getting angry...I mean...we kind of agreed to be a couple."

Axl sighs, "Look....'we' or is it...you?"

"Well, he, he...said we'd try.... that, he's not the easiest person to get along with..." I am cut off by Duff whose eyes are narrowed.

"Hmm.... I've seen how he is with you. He won't let himself feel...there's a reason.... but whatever the reason, it's still bullshit. I mean look what he's doing to you...how he makes you feel."

Izzy the Yoda of the band, chimes in with, "I can't believe this: but Duff is right. Mars still talks to you more than any other, and he's always watching you...he gets jealous I can tell. But steven...he feels something....and I fear it will take something HUGE to make him see. Give it time, it will work it's self out fine."

"Just a little patience." Slash adds

"You know, those sound an awful lot like songs lyrics." I shrug.

"Hmm, it Does. Feels like it could be an acoustic song." Axl muses before looking at me, Izzy still has me in a hug, I need it. "I'm still going to kick Mars' ass."

"Axl...no!" I protest, shaking my head and grunting as I put on my sneakers, "Please...no. I-I love him...have fallen for him HARD, but since we've met.... i just have stayed confused. He's hot and cold. When I've kissed him...his responses are passionate, yet it seems he's holding back. And, and he's joked, and I really do like talking to him...I think we have the makings of a great couple...." My tears start anew.

"Popcorn? I won't say anything to Mick...I'll talk to my husband and see what Joe says." Axl smiles at me.... Izzy had release me at some point...forgot to mention.

We chat for a little longer and they ask me if I want to watch Motley, I say no and head back to the hotel and wait...wait...for Mick and write in my diary:

So, I'm waiting for Mick.... we kind of had a fight. No not a fight, I vented my frustration, I guess. I don't know what's gonna happen tonight? Will I ever be free to love Mick, or will he truly break my heart...will he break ME? Then...I...don't know. Is this love, is it really love? Unrequited love it seems, still I should try. Unlike Mick I am making some kind of true effort, I want everything with him, a life...to be able to give in...but Izzy's words about it taking something huge for Mick to finally see, to give it time and work it out? Maybe he's right, but I fear...oh how I fear what's wrong with this...with me and what will happen, I just hope my nightmares don't come true.... but I feel they will and I fucking dread it...so damn bad. So tired of the hot and the cold, being alone...but the guys were sweet. Love has changed them for the better....me.... not so much. I'm jealous...wondering now if Mick is thinking of me? Does he really feel anything? Can he love? Regardless of my frustration, fears, and my increasingly horrific mental state...Mick Mars still has a hold on my heart, I think of the times he's saved me, the laughs, the jokes...something tells me I will need that. Drinking, drinking tonight is likely a horrible idea...maybe I won't get too drunk, but then maybe it could loosen Mick up? We will see, I do admit the thought of seeing him again gives me butterflies.... oh, I can't forget the candy!! I've got so much to share...so very much! And the irony, popcorn to eat...it will help to have something to maybe absorb the booze. Perhaps, listen to me...perhaps.... ha-ha...anyway, guess I'll shower or something and fix up. Looking at this as a good opportunity to maybe make mick see.... but I can't...oh...I just wish things will get better! Is this love that I'm feeling? I want to feel it, I truly do love Mick Mars despite everything. He will always be my love...my love...

A/N: Seeds of Drama, talks, frustrations, doubt, denial...and next chapter: Mick X Steven will have their passionate and life changing night together and then....it REALLY falls apart....