Appetite for Mars: A Steven Adler X Mick Mars Tale

Chapter 22: Finding Out & Talks with Joe Perry- (Mick POV)

A/N: I decided to make this chapter entirely from Mick's POV, so we can get some background on his behavior and thoughts, and he will find out the extent of his actions, and perhaps finally make things right...

My life has been well something else to say the least since the tour's started. Who knew the changes and things that happened since the tour started would happen? I've felt things, strange things...well strange to me, because it's been SO LONG since I've felt the way I have since I've met one Steven Adler, Guns 'n' Roses drummer. Steven who did the once thought impossible and made my walls I'd built around my heart crumble and now I see....they need to fall and maybe they have but I need advice, I don't know what the hell I can say to even remotely make things better, I'll get to that in a moment, but anyway Steven Adler changed my life forever, he HAS, but I've denied....and denied. Let me explain, I was married once.... turns out she was using me...the fucking bitch. But still after that crashed and burned, I still had hope...but like my ex-wife everyone there after only wanted me for something, to use me. I was only 'loved' because I was talented and could play guitar. No one ever sought me out, no one....after so many years and decades of this, I have become disillusioned and didn't believe in love....then came Steven Adler....and things long buried, I thought were gone came back...and I thought if I gave in, Steven deserved better than a bitter 37 year old man....he deserved better....but now I see I'm WRONG, maybe my falls have fallen...for Steven captured my heart and I broke his and mine....i need to fix things, try too....

Which brings us to now, I'm getting advice talking to Axl's husband, Joe Perry. It's been long enough.... too fucking long...

"So, um...I don't know what to say.... I have hope, I mean we had the first conversation we've had in months; he wants to talk and now...I realize....my walls have fallen, but I haven't wanted to SEE. I broke his heart the night after we had sex...but then I didn't realize that I'd break my own and it's fucking hurt...I've felt like I'm dying and it's MY FAULT. Steven was right, my excuses were bullshit...no matter my reasonings, because I wasn't honest..." Joe who'd been listening to cuts me off with a gentle but firm voice....and thank god, my set with Motley is over....and now, now I am waiting for Steven.... hoping he will show up...

"Oh Mars, you've always known deep down...but now you're starting to see or do see, that you were wrong...everything you've done to him, you were wrong. I saw the way you two looked at each other last night, yes a lot of sorrow and pain...but it's obvious, you love each other and you have since you've met...take it from me, from what I know and my husband has told me, you've been too afraid....my advice, I know just how you feel...I tried to fight my feelings for Axl at first, but I couldn't fight my heart but for so long. And I'd felt I wasn't good enough, too old.... but I was wrong because it was REAL. It is real, be honest with him, apologize.... let GO and fall.... let your heart answer the call, let the wall's crash down...you won't regret it. And say it out loud, and let me ask though I know the answer, do you love him?"

"Yes, I love him so much....it hurts. I've hurt him so bad...so damn bad, THAT he didn't deserve. And his yelling at me, I'd started to see a little more...I've felt so guilty for being rough with him that night we slept together, and I'd thought it was for the best...I see I was wrong, and I didn't think...we didn't use condoms...and...so...whatever happens, I want to be there for him...be a family someday...I want a chance to truly make things right. And now, it looks like I will get that chance. I've missed him so much, when we were together, I've missed joking with him, no one's ever sought me out, like he has...made me feel like I matter, made me feel loved and now I see." I say quietly, getting choked up and then a series of knocks sound at the door and my heart pounds so loud, it's like roaring thunder in my ears.

"Door's open!" Joe calls out, giving me a knowing look and silent encouragement ....and in walks Steven.... who....my eyes go wide...and I realize how very pale he looks, even under the make-up he's wearing and he's utterly exhausted...I saw it last night and he looks like he could get sick...?

"Um...H-Hi...Oh...Mick...um...oh joe! Hey...um..." Steven nervously rings his hands and seems to be shaking....and I find my self leading him to the couch, eyeing him with concern...no worry.

"Steven? Honey, you look like you feel bad. I want to talk to you, I have so much to say...but are you up to this?" I hesitantly reach out and feel his face and forehead for fever, though something tells me...that it's not that. Steven seems to be finding it hard to focus, my eyes go wide...as he pales more...and gestures...I'm passed a waste basket by Joe and Steven vomits into it for several minutes...seeming to get dizzier..., "Steven honey.... what's wrong?"

"Um.... please...forgive me.... I'm pregnant...." And he passes out and slumps forward in my arms. And I panic...Joe has the forethought and cool-headed thinking to call an ambulance...and I tell him...that Steven is pregnant...he's pregnant...he must be...I got him pregnant that night 3 months ago and I didn't even know!

Carefully I lay Steven's head in my lap, and I bring my hands to his stomach...and tears stream down my face...it's SO round, and oh my god, how could I have been so blind as to not have seen?!! It's my fault, he has hidden this from me.... but the baby...or he's so big, I wonder...if there's more than one? I will make things, right and be there for my children and Steven. I will...I will love Steven as he should be loved and I will love our children, our possible children....

"Steven...oh steven...I'm so very sorry baby...that I've left you to suffer so long, that I have broken your heart. I understand why you hid this from me, I understand and I'm not angry at you, never at you...I'm angry at me...I swear to you and our unborn baby or you're so big, babies possibly...whatever happens, I will love you, love our children...I see it all now. And hope my love I can be forgiven." I sob, gently stroking his rounded belly hidden beneath his baggy t-shirt. He doesn't stir, but his face seems much more relaxed...somehow, I think he knows I'm touching him, talking to him...but when he wakes.... i will be there, and I want to be a family, I want him as my lover, my partner.... i see it all now.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed Mick's POV! Next chapter will be Mick telling Steven everything, making things right, and if steven is indeed carrying more than one baby!! And the chapter, it will be back to Steven's POV. Much more to come!!