Mon Amour (My Love)

CHAPTER 30

ANGELO ROI

"You know what it feels like, Jane?" I was slumped at her restobar, a few bottles down, my mind heavy and hazy. I didn't want to go home, not to the house where Kyle—or Ricco, whatever name I'm supposed to call him now—lived. The thought of sitting across from him at dinner, unable to talk to him the way I wanted to, gnawed at me. "It's like he's this superstar, and I'm just a face in the crowd, watching from afar."

I poured another drink, the liquid warmth barely enough to dull the ache. "Like I'm just one of those millions screaming his name, hoping he'll notice me, talk to me. You get what I mean?"

"No," Jane's voice cut through my rambling like a cold wind, startling me. "Not really."

I blinked at her. "What did you just say?" My irritation flared. "Why not?"

"You're being dramatic, King. Anong millions? Wala namang ibang umaagaw ng atensyon ni Kyle sa'yo kundi yung pinsan mong bratinella. Siya lang. And you live under the same roof, so what's with this 'viewing from afar' nonsense? You can talk to him anytime you want, if you really wanted to."

I shot her a look, dripping with sarcasm. "Wow, thanks for the help, Jane. So helpful."

She just shook her head, taking a lazy sip from her cocktail. "I'm trying to make you make sense, King. Your situation's hard enough, but you're making it harder on yourself."

"What do you want me to do?" I snapped, raking my hands through my hair as if I could rip out the frustration by the roots. "It's crazy! He's my brother, so technically, he's mine, right? We used to be inseparable, Jane. We'd sleep side by side, bathe together, play together. Why the hell can't I just talk to him now? Why is it so damn hard? Rose can just waltz in whenever she likes. It's so frustrating."

Jane sighed, long and deep, like she was tired of my drama but wasn't about to abandon me in it. "You know why, King? Because you know deep down, you don't see him as a brother anymore. That's why it feels so impossible. If you still saw him the way you did when you were kids, you wouldn't feel this distance. But the love you feel for him? That love is what's building the walls between you two. That's why everyone else can get close to him—Rose, your parents—because they're not struggling with the same feelings you are."

"But Jane," I countered, my voice shaky with desperation, "Azalea told me something, and I think she's right."

"Oh yeah? What did she say?"

"She thinks Rose has feelings for Ricco."

Jane scoffed, nearly choking on her drink. "That's ridiculous! They're cousins!"

"I'm serious," I insisted, leaning forward. "I can sense it too. She's using the cousin thing as an excuse to get close to him. She visits almost every day, and my parents are all for it, thinking it's good for Ricco, so he doesn't feel lonely."

Jane gave me a measured look. "If that's true, Kyle doesn't see it."

"See what?"

"That Rose has feelings for him. That's what I'm saying, King. You and Rose? You're in the same boat—both feeling something special for Kyle. But Rose is playing her cards right. She's keeping her feelings under wraps, so she gets the freedom to be close to him. Meanwhile, your love is like this giant wall, pushing you farther away."

"So, what, you're saying it's my fault because I didn't hide my feelings?" I snapped. "Let me remind you, Jane, I loved him first, before all this mess."

"For heaven's sake, King!" Jane's voice shot up, her patience thinning. "That's not what I'm saying at all! I'm on your side, remember? I'm just explaining why things feel the way they do. You're not wrong for loving him. But you're struggling because that love is making it impossible for you to be close to him in the way you once were."