Stay Beneath Him (INCOMPLETE) (Levi x Reader Fanfiction)

37: Forgiveness

  A few hours passed. You typed up college schoolwork while Levi finished a few chores, both comfortable in the presence of each other. You could tell Levi enjoyed being with you, figuring he was probably very secure when you were within his reach.

  More time went by, though you weren't sure how much. Looking up from the essay you had been focused on, you found Levi wasn't in the room. Where'd he go? You got up, immediately heading to the bedroom to search for him.

  "Hey, Levi." You saw him smoothing out the sheets on his bed.

  "Ah, (y/n)." Levi crossed to you, looking over your body as he approached. "I want to ask something of you."

  "Yes?"

  He stood so you were between him and the bed. "I want to see your bruises from the conference," he said forthrightly.

  "Oh." You were startled. "Why?"

  "I've never seen them before." He looked at your stomach, trying to visualize the contusions beneath. "I want to see what I did to you."

  "Why? To remind yourself that you hold the power?"

  "No. Not at all. I just...want to come to terms with it."

  With how you hurt me? "Fine, I guess. You can look, just don't be weird." You kept your arms at your sides, allowing your body to be open to exploration.

  He hooked a finger underneath your shirt and slowly slid it up, stopping once your bruise was visible. It was a swamp of unnatural colors, initially on the path to healing until Levi's attack yesterday. Spread across your stomach and waist, it varied in intensity with different hotspots serving as obvious indicators of where Levi had kicked you. A week and yesterday's events hadn't give it enough of a chance to heal.

  You had avoided looking at it much, but both your and Levi's attention were now drawn to the area.

  "It's still pretty intense," Levi breathed. "I must have hit harder than I thought."

  "You did. Repeatedly."

  "I'm sorry," Levi said meekly. "I regret all of it." He ran a finger across the expansive contusion, sending subdued aches of pain through your torso. "You suffered so much at my hands. I'm so screwed up."

  "I'm to blame as well. I could have left and I didn't."

  "No. Don't villainize yourself. The fault lies entirely with me."

  "But I-"

  "I said no." Levi used his dominant attitude to ensure he was the only one marked as guilty. "Don't take the blame, and don't forgive me. The only correct answer is for me to stay the unredeemable offender."

  "I can't accept that. I don't want to treat you that way forever."

  "You have to. I'm not worthy of anything else." Levi spoke with monotony, as if he had already accepted his fate.

  "No, Levi. If I do stay with you, we won't get anywhere if I keep wallowing in hatred." You sighed, making a final mental decision before speaking again. "I forgive you."

  "You shouldn't," he said quickly as he met your eyes. "You shouldn't forgive these actions."

  "I won't be able to stay with you if I never resolve these feelings. We'll never be able to move on."

  Levi removed his hand from your body. "I'm not deserving of forgiveness."

  "Probably not." You nodded slowly. "I've never made the smartest decisions, though."