𝐋.𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐑 𝐂.𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐔𝐁𝐒 :: 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐩

[ 𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐁𝐓𝐄𝐃 ]

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜。.

Reviewer: -Yoonshooky
Author name: Kalapika1
Book name: Indebted
Genre: Fanfiction

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

♪Title: 3/5

The title is more on the common side and there are a bunch of books present with the same title There isn't much connection between the title and the story yet, but I have a feeling it might in the future. I would suggest the author opt for a more attractive and creative title that can set their book apart from the rest.

♪Cover: 4/5

The cover matches the mysterious and angsty vibe of the story. The edit also looks nice and doesn't appear choppy. The only change I would suggest is enlarging the subtitles a little more as it's hard to read them.

♪Description: 1/10

The description reveals way too much and it also has grammatical errors A description is supposed to reveal only a few bits and pieces of the story that will be able to entice the reader to read the book, so I suggest the author shorten the blurb by taking away the information that is unnecessary to be in the blurb. Or even better, they can take a paragraph from the prologue (one which represents the story the best) and put it as the blurb.

♪Protagonist usage: 3/5

In the present chapters, I feel like the author is more focused on Seokjin and his past I would suggest the author give the spotlight to Namjoon as well in the upcoming chapters.

♪Plot: 7/10

The plot has a lot of potentials. I hope the author will take it on a more creative route than a cliche revenge one I don't have much to say about the plot because there are only bits and pieces of it revealed. The author has given importance to the stuff that can be very small otherwise (like Namjoon's driving), so I wonder if that would hold any importance in the future or if it was only for comedic purposes.

♪Flow: 15/20

Honestly, I don't have much to comment on the flow because there aren't many chapters present yet. The flow, for now, has been pretty balanced except for the development of Seokjin's and Namjoon's friendship. I think their friendship developed a little fast despite Seokjin's attitude towards Namjoon at the start. It felt like the author was rushing through that part.

♪Character development: 7.5/10

I didn't see any character development, but that isn't a problem since there are only a couple of chapters present yet. Not much about the characters is revealed yet either and they both are quite a mystery. The author has shown Seokjin as someone who has gone through a lot since childhood. I would like to see Seokjin's darker side more and the author could make his carefree personality like a persona he uses to keep his identity "hidden'.

♪Grammar and vocals: 2/5

There were many run-on sentences, incorrect sentence formatting, wordy sentences, and missing punctuations. The author should also lean a little toward writing the story using more formal language.

Example:

From the blurb, original

Seokjin was the oldest son of the most feared mafia in the world and was practically trained to be a war machine with great martial arts techniques but for what? just for an act of mere revenge but he left that, left that past along with the someone whom he cared about the most. Namjoon is a normal American-Korean boy or is he? is weird, clumsy, and intelligent, and even though he doesn't have a license for driving he drives the best and can leam every. language just can't speak Korean but he tries man! Seokjin and Namjoon became best friends with some odds which is a story for another day.

Revised.

Seokjin was the oldest son of the most feared mafia in the world. He was trained to practically be a war machine, but for what? Just for a mere act of revenge? But, he left that, left that past along with the person he cared about the most.

Namjoon is a normal American-Korean boy, or is he? He is weird and clumsy, but intelligent. Even though he doesn't have a driving license, his driving skills are exceptional. He is a master of many languages but struggles to speak Korean.

Seokjin and Namjoon become best friends with some odds, but that is a story for another day. The author can edit the current chapters to fix the mistakes and proofread the future chapters.

before publishing them to avoid such mishaps. They can also take help from apps such as Grammarly or get someone to edit their work. The author's vocabulary is fine but they can make it a little more complicated if they want.

♪Writing style: 7/10

The author's writing style is quite descriptive and it helps to give a deeper look into the story. Though, I would suggest the author give more focus on the emotions and feelings of the characters. Also, the grammatical errors deterred the effect of the writing style.

♪Overall: 2/5

I suggest the author correct the grammatical mistakes and replace the blurb as soon as possible. Other than that, there wasn't anything that bugged me too much. I personally really like the cover.

♪Personal enjoyment: 2/5

I don't usually read books like this one but it was fine. My enjoyment was mostly deterred but he made grammatical mistakes as they made it hard to read the story.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Total marks: 53.5/100

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.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.