Dawn | Bucky Barnes ✔️

11. Gods?

W I D O W   S E V E N T E E N

I stare at those blank white walls. Those god-forsaken blank white walls in my bedroom. Like since I came here pepper always tells me that I could paint them anyway I liked. Decorate the space however I wanted. But I haven't bothered to, because I don't know how.

Why chose a bright colour when I don't feel happy. I don't want this room to seem like I am, so white is all I know other than red and black. White symbolises me; being lost and have no such soul left inside of me.

My door cracks open a moment later snapping me out of my depression. Steve steps in to find me lying on my stomach, staring at the plain bare wall going over the memory I had gotten earlier when I was with Tony who is warming up to me as the days pass. He taught me how to build stuff in his lab, the memory came when he looks at me pleased and proud as the scene changed to a man I don't know his face is blurred as we fixed his Chevy impala.

"You hungry?" He asks me, leaning against the door frame. Just then my stomach growls as I nod my head sheepishly as he chuckles walking towards me holding out his hand for me to take.
"Let's feed that stomach of yours, huh?" He smiles.

Taking his hand into mine, sighing into myself as the flashback ends. I rolled out of bed, following after him down to the lounge area where everyone is located.

We gather around the table with conversations going amongst the seven of us, I sit near the top end of the table beside Steve and Clint with Natasha, Tony and pepper on the other side of the table. Sam sitting beside Steve on his right.

I twirl the fork between my pointer and index finger, moving the food from side to side taking small bits every now and then when some look in my direction or drink from my glass filled with water to switch it up. Even with staying here for a good two to three weeks here, I'm still tense being around most of these people obviously except Steve, Pepper and a little bit of Natasha - Sam is a small small area between the lines as well.

"Zahra?"

Everyone continues talking while eating, devouring the inhuman portions while my plate contains a few items being taken every couple minutes. I held my chin in my hand, leaning my elbow against the table, humming the my girl tune that I still don't know where I know it from under my breath.

"Seventeen"

I dart my eyes away from my half eaten plate over to Steve who points towards Natasha whom wears a small frown on her face. I look around the table to see it quiet and all of the eyes are on me and Natasha. I grow tense under the gazes of everyone, my body stiffen slightly.

She glances to my plate then back up to me. "You're not eating?" Natasha questioned while placing her knife and fork on the plate, giving me her full attention while I grow tense a little bit with all the eyes darting towards me waiting on my answer.

"I'm full" I declared, after giving myself a few moments to get my confidence back in order.

"You sure? Try eating a bit more-" Pepper encouraged me with a small smile, only to be cut off by me. Due to not liking people questioning what I do, i do the only logical thing.

Be a bitch.

"I said I'm full" I grumbled, not able to continue eating this food even though I hardly touched it.

I'm not used to this, my body can't handle it. It wasn't used to this much food, even after all these weeks of trying to act like I'm eating but I guess they finally caught or if they just didn't question it but now Natasha has brought it up. Due to always bending the rules, just like that quote I saw on Pinterest, 'If you don't break the rules, the rules will break you'