"Tell me something I don't know." He whispers.
"I'm in love with you."
His lips tipped upwards, his eyes casting down upon mine. "Already know that." He whispers, his hand reaching up towards me as he softly brushed his thumb upon my cheek.
"Oh y...
The leaves had turned deep reds and browns since the last time i was here a few weeks ago, the air had a crisp bite of coldness in the autumn weather. It was utterly beautiful, but i couldn't help but feel an uneasy chill down my spine as i walk down the graveyard path towards the gravestones up upon the willow tree.
I held flowers between my fingertips, teeth nibbling at my lips as the leaves swirl in the air with the auburn leaves falling into my dark curled hair like a raging fire. A small smile slips onto my face, i feel like i am made for autumn. Although summer and i have a fickle relationship, but everything about autumn is perfect to me.
I'm currently wearing a wooly over the shoulder grey jumper, with a black tank top underneath, a knitted scarf that Doreen made for me for my birthday wraps delicately around my neck, with a pair of black boots. I feel the chill in my fingertips, as the skies soon turned from sunny to rain and wind. The moody hues and subdued pallete punctuated every now and again by a brilliant orange, scarlet and copper.
The leaves crunch from underneath me, as i walks up the small hill towards my family. My finger runs up and down the stem as my hand wraps gently around the stem of the flowers. When i get to the top of the hill, i sit in between my mothers and Zayn's grave stone with a solemn look. I sit in a criss cross action as i place a single white flower on each stone. I place my hand on my mother's stone for a couple seconds before shifting my hand to rest on my twin's stone, staring down at his name with a small sadden smile.
"Happy birthday older brother." I wished up to the heavens, as i reach into my tote bag to pull out a small box containing two cupcakes inside which is chocolate and red velvet. I take the lighter out of my back pocket, flicking it a couple times before a flame enlights up.
I take one cupcake out of the box, taking the candle sticks beside it and plot it in the middle of the cupcake, i flickered the flame towards the candle, watching it light up. I put the lighter to the side for now and picked up the cupcake and placed on Zayn's stone. I take a short intake in, before doing the same with the other cupcake, the red velvet one as i flicker the lighter over it.
I bring the cupcake up towards my lips, pluckering my lips before whispering, "Happy 26th birthday to us." I wished once again, before blowing the candle out.
However something strange happens, even with the swift gentle wind blowing in the air, the candle doesn't blow out. I furrow my brows, jutting out my lip in surprise. A part of me saddens at the fact that the candle didn't blow out, i kinda wished it did as if Zayn is beside me celebrating our big day.
"I guess you don't feel up to celebrating your birthday either, Zayn. I don't blame, ya." I stated, leaving the cupcake on the stone as i place mine back into the box for later. I close up the box before putting it into my tote bag gently, i put the bag to my left before shifting to lay in the middle between the two stones.
If someone walks past, they would defineitly be showing judgement at my corpse like form. My hands rest on my stomach, staring up into the deep blue skies, a scene that shows that the heavens will be falling with tears soon. I hum underneath my breath, watching the cloud go past in a slow motion, childishly searching for clouds that look like random images just like what Zayn and I had done when we were kids.
"I know I should be celebrating my birthday today but all I feel is numbness and hung over as fuc-fudge." I exclaimed before side eyeing my mothers grave stone with a sheepish smile. I flicker my eyes back to the skies, a sadden smile on my face.
"I don't want to be sad on our birthday Zayn, but today i am sad, in fact, i feel so sad that i want nothing more than to curl up in bed and cry. I won't of course, there are too many things to be done, I am learning to move on but its hard when my mind is against me." I paused, wetting my dry lips in nervousness. "I wished to be back at the stark tower with my avenger family but i can't go back, it hurts too much and don't want to burden them with my worries. But right now i would give anything to be held, to be treated like a child again and be found when I am lost as if i am hiding in hide and go seek. I want to be gathered up into arms that feel big when i feel so very small and so very alone. I would give anything for a moment like that right now. I wish you wee here mama and Zayn, i guess it will help the familiar feeling of what my life was like years ago." I rambled out, eyes bricking with tears, but i don't let them fall.
I breathed out a breath of air, "I guess I'm just tired... and sad... and I wish you were here."
I don't know how long i stay here laying, staring up at the skies as i hum songs under my breath. I spend my day like this, i wouldn't have it any other way and i just can't think of doing anything else today either. I mean i can't just lay in bed all day and drown in my sorrows of not having my twin here to celebrate the day of our birth. I allow my mind to get lost in the memories of Zayn and me when we were younger and all the fun times we had, the fights we would have, the hugs we would share, the cakes we shared, the dreams and hopes we had both shared to hopefully achieve one day. I don't think no sad thoughts, just happy ones of my life before the Red Room.
But i did let one slip in through the cracks, i hate the fact that he was ripped away from me and i feel as if a part of me has been ripped away too. So, right now i make a promise that i will always carry in me our hopes and dreams. I will carry the smile and laugher inside my soul, i will live life the way he and my mother couldn't continue. I will patiently await the moment when I will meet them again in the next life. So until then, i will learn to live and move on from the bad memories and vile monsters in life.
Once again, i feel a shock on surprise when i felt like someone was watching me. I sit up from my spot, subtly glancing my eyes around the place as i fake a stretch as if i am about to leave. I see in the distance, a figure standing frozen in his spot with the same flowers that i had saw weeks ago when i first came here. I furrow my brows slightly but still continued to subtly act like i don't see the male but when i sneakly take in the figure's form.
Is it fate or just cliche from speaking about him yesterday and wishing he was here but there is a doppelgänger dude, weirdly looking like me across the graveyard.
"Zayn?" I whispered under my breath.
*****
Duh duh duhhhh, this may seem like a cliff hanger but i have the next chapter ready to go so go check it hehe. Thanks for reading todays chapter, see you all next time. Love you all, good morning from me or goodnight for you <3
UNEDITED
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