"Tell me something I don't know." He whispers.
"I'm in love with you."
His lips tipped upwards, his eyes casting down upon mine. "Already know that." He whispers, his hand reaching up towards me as he softly brushed his thumb upon my cheek.
"Oh y...
Here's the thing: If you had told seventeen what was her worst fear, she would stare into space for a couple seconds of flashbacks swarming her mind and she would blink away them intrusive thoughts and turn to you and say nothing makes her afraid.
That would then again would be a lie.
She puts up a font, blocked barrier font that she believes no one could ever enter it if they had tried. She tries to be brave, when she is brave she believes if others see that she is holding on then they can be brave as well. But truthfully she feels like her heart is caving in.
She will continue to live her life with smiles on her face, hiding the pain behind a fake facade. How has a young girl who has been through so much survived? How has she lived this long when she is so violently self-destructive?
Two rhetorical questions that even seventeen herself can't figure out the answer too. She wonders those two questions everyday, the two questions she wrote repeatedly in her journal.
The answer she came up with but honestly doesn't believe it so her answers can be left rhetorical is that; because her mind just corrupts her enough and yet not at all.
It comes in stages, she would get the answer finally to her questions and then the answer is just gone. Back to square one when she doesn't trust in her answer or maybe it's just the universe telling her it's not her time.
The fear she lives with everyday. She tried to break the never ending circle of pain and end her life but the universe won't let her die. But then again she would just say guess it's luck or death is basically like a real-life story version of a slow-burn.
Let's take a step back before her two well needed answered questions but to one question in particular that can make seventeen stumble and stuttered all in one go.
What is her fear?
Dying.
Shocking but it's true, she doesn't want to die even how much she wishes she does. She wants to live, she wants to live. She wants to see the world. She wants to do everything that she never got the chance to do. She wants to experience what every child does. Go to the park and play on the swings for hours and don't care that anybody would look at her funny.
She wants to go try thousand different flavours of ice creams. Fall in love with someone who understood her in more ways than she wants to explain. Go to school, get a normal life. Away from crime, start a family. Walk into a library and sit there for hours getting lost in the world between the pages.
So many things she wants to do before she dies, she hasn't lived. She just wants to live, is that too much to ask?
She almost fears the day when her heart can no longer hold it all in and will shatter.
******
No comments in the last couple chapters :( anywayyyss hope you all enjoy this triple update, one more chapter coming tomorrow before i have to go back to work *cries* than school on monday buttt its six more weeks until christmas and i really want to get Winter and seventeen slowburn, watered down to get into juicy spicey shit (dirty minds) im talking about fluffy fluff fluff hehe
Good night or day barney's angels <3
UNEDITED
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