Dawn | Bucky Barnes ✔️

5. A crack in the glass

W I D O W   S E V E N T E E N
Trigger warning: Mention of rape and abuse

I couldn't feel anything at first. I thought I was dead. I felt like I was trapped inside a box too small for even my small petite body. I didn't feel pain, but a more numbness type of feeling. My body feels paralysed, I struggled to get out of this strong hold wrapped around me or is that my mind trapping me in these sheets.

The sheets wrapped around my legs like they were afraid of letting me go. I want nothing more to just relax my mind and fall back into the sheets embrace but it's the tightening around my waist that finally snaps me out of my dream state.

My hands reach up to my temples, massaging them as a small groan escapes my lips. I tried to talk, but my lips wouldn't move. I hated this. I felt trapped, if this was death then I'm definitely not appreciating this shit.

I felt the hands underneath me shift, my eyes darting to the awakening body beside me. My eyes widening, my body jolting back as a scream about to erupt from my lungs before the person beside me places there warm rough hand over my mouth.

Half their body lays on me, my eyes blinking away the tiredness as I look into familiar blue eyes. My eyes softening but a frown settles upon my face, "Winter, wh- what are you doing here?"

"Do you remember anything?" He asked slowly, his hand coming up to my face, thumbing my cheek softly as if he goes a bit harder he'll hurt me.

Just then my mind flashed to me laying in the bath rub, unresponsive for awhile before Winter came in to sit beside me. At the time I didn't care that he was there, but I knew deep down that I did. That someone was there with me as I had one of my episodes, I felt safe. I felt protected.

I don't know what made me go into another episode that I intend to hold into myself so I don't go into that state but you can't help it. It's like your body takes full control in that situation and that anybody near can either take advantage or do something about it; like save me.

That is what Winter did.

He could've just left when he heard the shower if that was what he heard, he could've just left and left me be but no. He stayed. He came to sit with me in the bath then brought me into bed, even hd the effort to tug me as he placed a protected arm around me.

The little things he does. I felt so warm and safe in his hold, maybe that's why I didn't flinch in my sleep from someone touching me. It's like this security inside of me that I trust him and I know when his presents is near.

I wish I could use him as a shield, but no one and nothing can protect me from the memories; the nightmares. I have to fight them on my own just like Bucky is doing but that doesn't mean that we can't help each other out. Learn together. Learn to be ourselves again. Learn to move on.

So him being here mattered. We've been helping each other for months that I felt like I was getting better but now when I have finally gathered my swarming thoughts that no, I didn't get better. Not mentally not emotionally, I think I wanted to get better so badly that I dreamed of this different state of me that was better but wasn't truly.

"You don't have to talk about what happened last night but I'll be here whatever you want to" Winter says in the softest voice i have ever heard.

My heart breaks.

Tears whelm up in my eyes, my body shaking into another set of tears. I would've thought after last night I would be drained of tears but no. It's like my body doesn't want me to stop feeling emotions, I don't like it. I don't like feeling things.