Dawn | Bucky Barnes ✔️

44. Letting Go

Z A H R A J E N K I N S

For over an hour I've been held up in my room, painting away with paint palette, brushes, paint and a half painting on display. Today was one of my low days and everyone knew to allow me to be alone for awhile. Bucky was hesitant to leave me alone but I ensured him I'll come find him after I allowed my emotions to get out. He's been scared of me being alone ever since he saw me clothed in the shower in tears and having a panic attack.

He asked me what I will be doing and I told him I will be painting to let my emotions settle down. It was the least I could do to burden his worries for me. When I had came in here to paint and try not to think, it was hard to come up with an idea to what I could or shoulder paint but as I sat myself on my my chair sliding it over near the easel, leaving behind small squeaks.

I placed the palette, the paint box and the brushes on the table beside me and brought one of the brushes to my chin to think of what to paint before I felt my hand move, not knowing what I am about to draw but I am thinking happy thoughts as I dipped the brush into the water and then into a baby blue colour and tabbed it onto the canvas.

I'm painting colours after colours getting happy colours like blue, pink, yellow, lilac, violet, purple, cream, white, light green you name it but when I almost finish the painting by adding some tints and shades from white to black making it pop out as I set the brush down and examined my artwork in front of me sad and happy in one.

The harder I tried not to think, the more prominent I was in my painting with blending the different colours shades. For a long time I was lost, in that time I have been through a lot but now I am healing. I'm not there quite yet but I know I will be someday in the future. All I know for sure is that I have people around me who loves me for who and what I am.

When I was done with my painting I had pulled away from it and allowed myself to not ruin the painting from my dark corrupted mind that has gotten heavier in the last five minutes. I tried to occupy that time by pulling out sketches that I liked and decorated the bare white walls. My hand spreading over the edges, blue tacking the walls.

I step back from my wall, taking a look around my room now. Canvases litter the space, sketches taped to the walls, and art supplies everywhere. My bed is neatly tucked in with my journal, pens and books laying around it. My bay window that occupies new fluffy cushions and blanket that looks out onto the city below me. My hardwood floor is covered in a large white rug that's speckled with paint from my earlier painting that is now resting on the easel near the bay window.

A knock on my door, pulls me away from my new room that is pulled away from the bare white walls. I look towards the door opening to see Loki
glancing around my now covered, real me room, with a smile on his face. "I love it. It's very you."

"It's kind of simple." I said, rubbing the back of my head.

He walks further into the room to stand right beside me, I look up at him as he catches my eyes. "It's perfect."

I give him a small smile as he gave me a crooked grin. He turns his body so he is towering over me with only a foot space separating us. "I didn't get the chance to give you a proper welcome home last week."

"It's alright." I smiled at him, startling when he closes the short distance between us. He gently places one hand on my hip, his eyes hesitant.

My heartbeat skyrockets.

His lips thin. "Sev?"

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

All I can hear is my heartbeat in my ears., I wet my lips. "W-what?"