Dawn | Bucky Barnes ✔️

48. Love?

Z A H R A J E N K I N S

Days past since I told James about what happened to me, I remember waking up the next morning with my head on his chest with tear stain streaks still evident on my cheeks. I don't know how much more I could cry but that night proved me wrong in that concept and I wish to not shred one more tear ever again. My body has felt this heroic relief lifted up from inside of me but I still feel that small twitch of numbness rattling inside of me.

But I tried to move past it, I thought more of living life in the present than hanging on to the past. I know I will go everyday with these scars on my body but I just see them as battle scars, James has shown me to not be defined by my past and what happened to me. I can create my own journey now, I have no more demons left in my life and I hope it stays that way.

Now I think more on the outside, what others around me may be thinking and I allow myself to get the reminder that there's so much more that we still don't know about ourselves and what's out there in the world, yet, to experience. I find that is what makes life so utterly beautiful.

I push past the haunting thoughts and thought more normally - if there is such a thing for people - and thought if next year I could find my next favourite musician. For example, I've been a fan of eighties music since I could remember but there's still artists in that time that I didn't even know existed or probably just know the sound of the music and not the actual artist.

I could one day soon tell James that I have fallen in love with him and tell him of the possibilities that our future may hold and how I want to spend every other second with him. I wanted him in the bluntest way possible. I want his lips, his hands, his hands, his arms, him. I wanted him the way the ocean wants the shore, constantly reaching and running along the shoreline. Let the sea set you free. Ever since I've met him everything is better with him. Everything has been better since him. I wouldn't change it whatsoever.

Or I might get to experience a new shade of blue that will become my new favourite colour - although James' eyes has already been addicting since I first laid my brown ones on his. I smile at the thought that I can be what or whoever I want to be with no Dreykov or even Dimitri to get in my way. Life changes, everybody changes as life goes on, we grow as life changes. Our new experiences shape us into a new person.

It's so utterly beautiful to watch life go on. I just hope it lasts. Maybe this is the new beginning that I always wished for.

I snap away from my writing, my eyes flickering up towards Sam and Bucky who are coming into the lounge, arguing once again with Steve trailing behind them with an amused look. I close over my journal, placing it to my side with the pen on top of it. James rolls his eyes, removing himself from Sam's crazy talk, to come over to sit himself down beside me.

He swings his arm over my shoulder from my right, placing a delicate feathered kiss to the side of my head. "Good morning, Dawn." He whispers.

I smile up at him, leaning my head on his shoulder as a reply when Sam suddenly turns his head when he noticed that Bucky isn't beside him anymore. His eyes fly towards us, whom Bucky is twirling a strand of my hair between his fingertips as Sam stomps his way over to us.

"You can't just leave a conversation." Sam grumbles, folding his arms across his chest.

"I can if it's a stupid conversation." Bucky mutters, looking up at Sam with a dull look on his face. I smacked my hand softly on Bucky's chest as I give him a look to be nice, he only grumbles in response.

I glance my eyes up towards Sam with a small smile, "What were you talking about?"

"Nothing important." Bucky comments. "Sam being Sam."