Dawn | Bucky Barnes ✔️

12. My Elizabeth Bennet

Surprise!

W I N T E R

A startle cry erupts from my lips, my eyes snapping open as I sit up on the mattress. My eyes dart everywhere as if Hydra soldiers would break in at any moment. My breathing coming out in shallowed pants, hands shaking limply down by my sides.

I stare off into space, my eyes never leaving the bare chipped white wall as I try to control my breathing. My eyes glossing over in haunted memories, those words floating about in my head as I try to get rid of them. But the demons inside of me is holding on tight as they break me once again.

A battle that I surely won't win but I won't go down without trying.

I lost count of the restless hours I have had throughout the year or so, I don't know what day it is but I know that we're somewhere around the middle of September. The apartment is a lot colder now but the warmth sweat on me from my fear of the nightmare helps to shield the coldness as I take another intake.

My mind suddenly goes blank, blackness over comes my once swarming mind as I sense an impending danger but I know I'm safe. My heart rate increases, my breathing rapidly trembles as my body begins to shake.

My mind zips from one unrelated thought to another, my eyes blinking hastily as I try to catch up on the training thought. I could somehow hear my heart pounding so loud in my ears as if my heart had relocated to my brain. My hands dig deep into the torn mattress, clammy hands reaching out to be brought to shore but no one is there.

I'm drowning.

I can't breathe, everything is moving too quickly around me, I inhale hastily. I can smell the salt of sweat and it escapes in to my throat, tasting the dry salty substance on my tongue. I silently scream into myself for someone to help me.

But no one is here.

I'm alone.

Trapped in my own mind, my body panicking as I try to gain all five of my senses once again but I can't help it. I've been through this before, I know I'll be like this for another wee while before I would calm down and get some rest before I get restless and get started for the new day.

Fear flooded my body, tears filling in my eyes as I try to blink them away as I let out a cracked sob. My normal hand comes up to my face, the sleeve of my red t-shift wipes away the fallen tears as I try to hold on.

I don't know how long this goes on for before I am laying on my back once again. I stare up at the ceiling, my thoughts slowly mending together as I close my eyes for a brief moment as I collect myself.

Memories flash before me as I trial upon the moment I had left Hydra for good. I never knew where I was going after I left Dawn and my supposed former unconscious best friend near the river. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay and be with Seventeen but I knew if I did stay I would be held captive once again.

So I ran.

I ran like my life depended on it and in some way it did. I was a murderer. I was a soldier. I was someone's science experience but most of all I was someone's puppet while they controlled me on strings.

Some nights I stay up late crying, not because of what I have gone through which surprised me but being striped away from my dignity and life.

I have been surrounded by science and experiments for the past 70 years that I forgot what it truly feels like to be human.