Dawn | Bucky Barnes ✔️

2. Moments

W I D O W S E V E N T E E N
Present

Ever since Winter had came back for me, he has been spending almost every day with me for the past couple months. We usually do it out at night in the city, sitting on top of roof tops talking endless for hours. But most of the time, we would sit in silence and he would wrap me up in his arm to keep me warm.

Each day I fall more in love with him.

I know I shouldn't even be thinking about love when I should be trying to find to love myself but I can't help this emotion deep down inside of me. Loki visits sometimes when he can mostly during the day but at night I'm hanging out with Winter.

I feel conflicted about my feelings, I feel like I'm using both of them but I'm honestly not. I just like hanging out with them, isn't that not allowed?

But I've kissed Loki, I haven't kissed Winter. The one I really want to kiss more with each passing moment. I don't know what I feel to be honest.

I yearn for the other or that's what my mind is corrupting me with to think.

Loki or Winter?

Loki wants me, I can see it in his eyes when he is with me. He wants to hold me, kiss me. But that's what I also want with Winter. I have a decision to make, a decision that I do not want to make but I know I have to someday.

I shake away the draining thoughts, my hand reaching over towards my phone. Gripping it in my hands, swiping up to unlock. Tonight is another night with Winter, he came into my room once more over an hour ago, we're currently laying on my bed as we watch a movie but it's on a break.

While I swipe on subway surfers like an actual bro, beating Clint's score once again. Every few seconds I see Winter glancing at me with confused blue eyes at the device in my hands. I chuckle with a soft smile, the battle in my head long forgotten with just want to hang out with Winter. Nothing more - for now.

I lifts it up in front of Winter as he tilts his head in curosity. "You know what this is?" She asked.
he shook his head. "It's an iphone, look" she says handing it to him.

"iPhone.." He tries out on the tip of his tongue. "What happened to the Rotary phones or small burner phones that just had numbers?"

My face saddens at the thought of him not be able to use these types of devices and only using burner phones for missions. I hand it to Winter as he takes it, in his fingers and slowly turned it over and over in his hands, inspecting the odd looking device.

"How...how do i use it?" He asks in a small voice. The screen was black and he tilt his head slightly to see his movements in the mirror reflection.

He held it up higher to inspect his own image on the reflection of the screen, pursing his lips in confusion. "It only looks like a small mirror- Ah!" Winter jumped in surprise when the screen suddenly lit up at a notification, a clock and the date.

I chuckled into my hand with fondness adoring my eyes looking at the man in front of me. "I'll teach you how to use it?"

He nods his head as I show him for the following half hour of the movie, our bodies somehow shifting closer towards one another hour neither one of us wants to move so we don't.

The small moments like this shows his true emotions, his real character. The man that was taken from society to become a ruthless weapon to become feared amongst others when you hear his name.

I only see a broken, wanting to be free man behind his eyes. I want to be that person that helps guide him back to his old self, not fully but the remembrance of his old life just like Natasha helped me with me and my therapist now helping guide me to love myself and to move on.

Winter needs someone there, I was angry that he left but I understand. He was scared, I seen it in his eyes that day in the bathroom. He didn't want to leave but he wanted to learn things himself, he's like me. His pride wants him to do things alone because that's what he is used to - feeling alone.

So he left, figured a part of him that he couldn't find before but now he is learning. Still is but he is getting there, I am helping him, I am showing him small things to help him fully remember. He just needs time, and time is what we have.

And I'll be his lifeline back to shore.

******

Good morning or Goodnight Tin man's angels <3

UNEDITED