Dawn | Bucky Barnes ✔️

15. My girl

W I D O W S E V E N T E E N

I sit on the soft mattress in the spare bedroom that I am sharing with Natasha. I'm currently alone as I draw in my journal of a woman with an oval face with fine bone structure, a long wealthy brown curly hair, and almond shaped, imagining figuratively that the tonal grey eyes are a deep brown with thick dark lashes.

She looks just like me but it isn't.

Her eyes pierce right at me through the page. My finger gliding across her face to blend out the darken colour to the lighter area of the face. A tear falls down my cheek, dropping on to the page. I huff, slouching back giving up from drawing.

I throw the book to the side with the woman's face staring right at me. I throw my arm across my eyes to shield them away from the pretty woman. My mother. I hold back a sob but repressing it in wasn't enough so the tears started to run down both of my cheeks.

Ever since I came up the stairs an hour ago from breaking down in front of Natasha and wanting to be alone for awhile with some reluctance from her. I've been up here drawing my mother and other images whenever something flashed in my mind.

My mother, brother, Dreykov but I ripped the page and burnt it in the furnace, my father who is currently down stairs chatting with Tony, the man that took my innocence and then the unnamed male that tortured me in Hydra.

The last two also been burned in the furnace, still debating to burn the rest of the drawings but I stopped myself. Now that I see the memories on paper, I can admire my family and see that I do have one but do I really?

Who was that little girl back then?

I don't recognise her now and that thought alone scares me that erupts more tears to fall down my cheeks. I'm utterly broken. I don't think I can continue this anymore, my hand reaching up towards the dog tags around my neck.

Clutching it close to me as if I squeeze harder and wish that he was here, he would be. I remember the exact day when I walked into my room over a year ago and this necklace inside with a note which is hidden behind my journal sealed securely just for me.

I knew it was him when I first seen the dog tags inside the small box that was wrapped with newspapers. I cried that day. My birthday. I felt like he was with me all day, I felt like he was there.

Dear My Dawn,

  I couldn't control myself today. Today is your birthday, I couldn't go on with my day without seeing you. I watched from a far as you celebrated your birthday alone in Central Park against the big oak tree you sit upon every time you go there.

  You were blowing out a small candle from your cupcake and I wished I could've just ran towards you and hugged you. Whispering you happy birthday over and over again to show you that someone cares.

  I watched as a tear drop tan down your tanned cheeks, itching closer to you just to wipe that tear away. I couldn't watch you cry. So I did the only thing I could've thought off and went back to my apartment to retrieve the dog tags that is hidden under neath a floor board.

  I held the tags close to me but a part of me wanted to give you something, to show you that I am still thinking bout you and that you gotten something on your big day.

  I climbed into your window that night while you were making your way back into the Stark building from me watching from a far making sure you got home safely.

  I quickly placed the wrapped tags inside a box and placed it on your bed before leaving. I didn't see your facial reaction but I hope you knew it was from me.