Dawn | Bucky Barnes ✔️

36. Healing

Z A H R A J E N K I N S

Dear, James

So I lived.

Seven months has past since my episode, lately I feel like I have been back on track. Just a little bit, small steps in taking it but I feel better than what I was seven months ago. Don't get me wrong, the nightmares and the slight panic attacks every now and then aren't away but the excessive panic attacks has. Which is progress, right?

In those months, I've finally feel open to trust you, okay I trusted you again after a month due me but I'm petty enough to say that it's been seven months to get over the fact that you shot my brother. I still honour that you saved him and I should be thankful for that. I shouldn't allow Dreykov's words to brain wash me into thinking that you aren't a good man.

You are James, you are so the perfect man that I could ever ask for. To be someone that I can be able to say I love you, I want to say I love when I see you next time. We've been so far apart, that I feel like that Wakanda was the only time I could truly fall utterly in love with you.

Even though this is my first time writing to you personally, but the other letters I wrote I could say you could read them as that's what you did for me. Told me about your day, your healing. Now that's what I am doing. I still read your letters every single day, now that I got my memories back after I had read these months ago.

These letters hold a special place in my heart just like you do. On paper it is so easy to say I love you to you, I do James, I love you. I had your voice in my head seven months ago to live. To live on with my life, and I did. Are you proud? I feel like I am, no I am proud that I made it this far.

I care about you so much James that it pains me that I can't get the guts to leave Seattle and go to you and tell you I am hopelessly utterly in love with you. Maybe someday I will. But not today. If you couldn't tell already, even though I've been finding myself, I still can't get you off my mind. I think about you every single minute, what your doing, who your with, did you move on, are you still at Wakanda?

This is worse than losing you, and I'd be lying if I said losing you was something I could handle. I have been keeping an eye on you from Natasha ringing every so often but she hasn't called in weeks. I'm worried but I know Natasha, she's fine. If I ever send this, could you ask her to ring me, please?

James. God even your first name is hotter than Bucky, should I come up with a nickname for that too? Sorry Jamey I'm rambling. Ah I got you a nickname and I didn't even try. What was I talking about again? Fuck this ADH shit, I hate forgetting what I'm talking ab-

"Knock knock!" Zayn calls out from behind me, my door opening slightly, peaking his head it with his hand over his eyes. "Decent bubba?" He questions stepping into the room.

I rolled my eyes, closing my diary and placed it on my lap. "Yeah." I replied easily, getting comfy on the bed as I grab my pillow to prop me up behind me.

Zayn lets his hand fall down to his sides, he smiles warmly at me, walking over towards the bed as he places himself down. He leads against the headboard, eyes glancing down towards my closed diary. "Writing anything about your smexy brother?"

"Did you just call your self smexy?"

"I did, and I'm proud." He preached with a peace sign. I look at him, my face holding back a laugh as I side eye him but it soon just came out as a snort. "That's why you don't get any hoes, you snorting pig." He comments, poking my side.

"I don't see you getting any either nor dicks." I pointed out, a grin on my face as he blushes.

Him and Rosalie would be cute together.