Burn for You

17

Serena
I got his address. Was it obtained legally? Probably not but I have it. If he wants to say goodbye after giving me one of the most beautiful gifts I've ever received, he's going to have to say it to my face.

I searched around the large neighborhood for his house number. He lived in a very much rich area, if not rich at least upper-middle class.

"Dad definitely doesn't make this much money," I mumbled.

I pulled up to the curb of his presumed house.

I wasn't nervous. I was angry and I refuse to be angry about something I can change.

I got out of my car, picking the rewrapped gift from the passenger seat, and walking up the gravel driveway.

I stood in front of the large door, my eyes remembering exactly where they used to meet his.

The more I thought about it, the more I thought about his eyes, his smile, his hair when he pushed it back, how he smelled, how he spoke...how he spoke to me, I became angrier. To the point where I felt the imaginary pot in my head that I set on the stove a week ago, that boiled-over two days ago, and that now was lighting my imaginary house on fire.

"What." He spoke harshly, my eyes widening at the sudden husky-goodness that flowed through my ears.

I stared up at him, his eyes just as wide as mine despite a few seconds ago looking as if he just woke up from a vacation on a deserted island-- but sexier.

"Why are you..."

"Here." I slammed the box into his chest, pushing aside the mental images I had — and arousal— and replacing them with the anger I originally felt.

"If you wanted to say goodbye, fine. Whatever. But at least say it to my face. Not in a cute note that sounds almost like a love letter, ok? It's not nice and it's not fair either."

"Serena I-"

"I'm not finished. You don't get to talk yet. I don't know if you noticed but I don't have many friends, you ever wonder why? Because I do not have the mental capacity to put enough of my energy into them but I thought that I was doing good with you, for you. So it fucking hurts when you just disappear and give me the best gift I've ever received without saying goodbye, ya know?" I took a deep breath in a let it out swiftly, my over-boiled pot coming down to just an aggressive simmer.

He stared at me with his sad puppy dog eyes.

"Please, don't...don't give me the gift back."

My eyes softened, my entire body wanting to relax at his words and voice. He sounded so sad and sweet like southern sweet tea mixed with a few tears.

"I'm sorry. Do you want to come in?" He stepped to the side slightly, his hand wiping down his mouth and chin.

"...yeah."

I walked in and good god. It looked like heaven on earth but dark. His house was nicely decorated in deep grays and blacks. Gold and white accents frame things such as carpets, curtains, and vases.

I almost wanted to stop being mad at him just because of how nicely decorated his house was.

"Do you want something to drink?" He stepped in front of me, his eyes low in their naturally sad state.

"No...I want you to talk and say goodbye properly." He sighed.

"Ok, come on." His hand grazed against my lower back as he guided me towards the couch.

I sat down across from him, trying to uphold my anger and seriousness before I crumble from how good he looked in pajamas.

"I wasn't...I wasn't trying to say goodbye, Serena. I just wanted to think."

"About what?"

He stared at me for a moment as if he was preparing himself for what he was about to say.

"I don't want to lie to you."

"Then don't."

"...you...you bring a joy to my life that I have not had in ten fucking years. I've been exhausted and working towards nothing for so long that when I got to know you, no, when I met you when we took that walk that night, I have not been able to stop thinking about you. It got so bad that I made myself believe that I was in love with you," he leaned back in his chair a slight chuckle escaping his lips.

"And I don't want that. I don't want to be stuck with a crush on somebody I just met as a near thirty-year-old man and call it love just because I'm a 'grown up'."

He hid his face behind his hands, groaning quietly.

"But I've come to realize that everything I do has been for you. With you in mind. So when you gave me this keychain," he reached into his pocket, pulling out the keychain I gifted him. "I was so happy that I now had something of you and the funny thing is, I already considered your presence a gift. I just wanted to gift you something that could offer you at least half of what you've given me...so I'm sorry Serena. I'm sorry that I fucked my life up so bad that I am desperate...so fucking desperate just to be a part of yours and I hope you know that I never would say goodbye to you without saying a word."

I swallowed hard. My mouth was dry now and I felt like bawling. His words were enough to make me cry but this lump in my throat was from his eyes.

He never once, looked away from me. His eyes stayed on mine with the same intense, passionate, loving, and new gaze he gave me the night I caught him staring up at the moon.

He gave me the gaze I had been longing for from him, the gaze he introduced me to, and the gaze that was now my new addiction.

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