Burn for You

46

Serena
I waited the two minutes and I know I'm going to die anyways. It's what I deserve.

"They're here Serena, fuck. My hand." I watched as Avery struggled to hold onto me. The last two minutes. "They're coming, Serena. Just please...hold on tight..."

I couldn't talk anymore. I accepted. If I fall and he lets himself go, that's enough.

"You're slipping Serena..!" I watched as his eyes became more panicked, his arms shaking from holding me up for so long.

"Thank you, Avery," I said softly over the blowing wind, ignoring the yelling and loud voices from below.

"If you slip...you may not die...just hold on, it's ok...I'm begging you."

"Don't remember this, Avery. Thank you for being a good coworker." My hand slipped from his as I closed my eyes.

I took as deep of a breath as I could, preparing myself for something I knew I couldn't truly prepare for.

I hope papa wouldn't be too upset. He'll understand, he always does...

Now
"There was a safety net at the bottom. I broke my leg, and my ribs, and got the wind knocked out of me but I was fine in the end...I didn't try to kill him, he jumped after me because I was being stupid."

I was scared to look up at him. Fearful. I don't like disappointing people but it seems like that's all I do. We were good for three months. Three months is all it took for me to destroy it.

"You don't have to believe me," I looked up at the man in front of me. My man that I can proudly call the love of my life, tears in my eyes that I'm begging not to fall in front of him. I need him to see that I'm telling the truth and not some pity story to get him to love me. He's offered me enough love to last a lifetime so if he wishes to cut me off, I can't stop him but I don't him to. "but I'm begging you to."

His sad eyes twinkled as if he saw something he'd been praying for.

I resisted the urge to cling to him as I watched his slightly shaky hands travel toward my cheek. He looked hesitant but like he couldn't stop even if he wanted to.

"Of course, I believe you." He choked.

I felt relief wash over me as the tears id been barricading in rushed out onto my cheeks. My heart continued to shatter in my chest as his warmth enveloped me.

I was so ready to lose him that I forgot to prepare myself for him to stay.

Maybe this all doesn't sound that bad to you but to me, this is rock bottom. I put somebody else's life in danger because I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I probably did this many times before and I was too drunk to remember but this time, I almost died and I was ok with that. I wasn't ok with taking somebody who didn't deserve to lose their life over me with me.

I pray this is the last time I have to watch him cry because of me and the past that I cannot run away from.

He squeezed me tighter with every kiss he planted on my forehead. "Never again." He muttered. "We are not coming back here again. I promise."

...

We went home and I told him anything and everything I could remember. I told him about my first time drinking, my last time drinking, my aunt and our trips, about her funeral, about my rehab, everything.

So if anybody else tries to tell him something to get him away from me, it won't happen. My Grayson is my Grayson. If he could, he'd wrangle the stars and freeze them in little ice cubes for me to drink with iced tea.

My Grayson accepts me. Every part of me including the parts I've hidden from everyone including papa until now. And even if he has even the tiniest bit of resentment or looks at me even once and thinks about all the terrible things I've done—

"That would never happen."

I gasped, my eyes widening at the realization that I have been talking out loud this whole time.

"You didn't even try to stop me."

He sighed as he held onto me tighter, pushing me farther into his bare chest. "Why should I? It was sweet and I love hearing you talk."

"You're so...odd. Like I know you love me and everything but goodness man, just be mean to me once."

"Not listening to a lady who can't keep her thoughts to herself."

I laughed sarcastically as I pulled away from him. "You think you're so funny huh?"

"Was that a thought or were you really speaking to me?" He smiled down at me as if he did something.

"You know what, I made you too comfortable. I'm gonna train myself to like...not speak my thoughts and have a poker face. You'll never know what I'm thinking again."

He sighed and pulled me back in despite my resistance but who's gonna stop him? He's got the strength of a bear.

"You can't do that, Flower. That's not how you have a healthy relationship remember?"

I rolled my eyes and lay in silence, refusing to entertain him.

"You're not gonna speak to me, baby?" His voice was low and intentionally husky. I know it was intentional because I know this bear man.

"Shut up," I mumbled.

He pressed kisses onto the crown of my head, his sweetness seeping into my thoughts.

"You're like an infectious honey disease." I groaned.

"Anything you want." He mumbled as he continued, almost sounding half asleep.

"What?" I chuckled. "Go to sleep Grayson. We get it. You love me."

He paused, his arms stiffening around me. "Who's we?"

"What-" my eyes widened slightly, my body stiffening. "Oh-"

"Flower...are you trying to tell me something?"

My heart stopped in my chest. A pang of slight guilt washed over me. Guess there is one thing I forgot to tell him.

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