Fat Girls Romance

A Little Update

"My hands are torn up

From all these broken bottles

I can't stand, lost too much

I know I've got my problems"

-The Devil Wears Prada, "Broken"

        Hi. I am in college now. I do not know if I mentioned that. I know no one really reads this anymore. This story has gone on way too long. I have some updates. I have a boyfriend now, who would have thought I would ever have one of those. The whole thing is very new to me. I am confused, never dated anyone before. I am still figuring it out. 

7 months later....

       I know it's been a while. Above this I was writing about starting college, having a boyfriend for the first time, and how new the whole concept was to me. Now I write this while sitting in my drug discovery class. I sit here single, with less friends than before, and more mature than I ever could have imagined. 7 months. Just 7 short months. Time flies. I got broken up with a few weeks after my birthday. Dropped friends who made me feel like I was constantly walking on eggshells. Rekindled an old friendship. I even stopped cutting myself. I have been going strong for 7 months now. Nobody reads this anymore, but I needed to give this update for myself. To let myself know that I am doing great. I hope anyone who reads this is doing great as well. Let me give you more details on the last 7 months of my life. 

        Let's start with that short-lived relationship that I was so excited about. We had a lot in common, had mutual friends, and looked at life in similar ways. He would pick me up late at night just to go for a drive when we couldn't sleep. Watched movies in his bed at his house. Went to a festival, the racetrack, and a racing event together. He came to visit me at school. Drove an hour to see me, stayed a while, and then drove an hour back home. He gave me confidence. I would complain about my weight and how I looked. He would grab my waist and tell me he could feel my bones, so I wasn't fat. Even though all of those things we did were great, there was so much that just was not. He had to get high every single day. Whether the high was to sleep, to deal with certain situation, or just because he was bored. If you have read every single part of this series then you can assume how I feel about people who need to get high every single day. I was never fully comfortable with him. I hated hanging out in public because it would give me so much anxiety. The biggest issue was that I could not fall asleep next to him. If I can't sleep next to someone that means I cannot entirely trust them. That is not how a relationship should be. He was jealous of every guy friend that I had. He didn't like that when we would argue I wouldn't fight back. Our fights were over stupid and unimportant shit. I knew that the relationship wouldn't last soon after it started. I held off and waited 8 months to see if my feelings changed. They did a little. I was starting to imagine my future with him in it. I liked giving him gifts and surprising him with something different all the time. He wasn't a giving person, so I never got anything in return, but we were dating, and I can understand that maybe he didn't know how to gift me things or surprise me. He didn't listen. He wasn't very understanding. A week after my birthday, I couldn't sleep the night before finals, I responded to his snap that he had sent before I had laid down to go to sleep. I said I was still awake. His next snap said he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. I thought he was joking, that he was high. I knew we weren't as close as we were before, but I had a lot going on and he had just quit his job and was driving for Door Dash. He told he was serious, sober, and that he had been thinking about this for a long time. This never crossed my mind. This hurt. I cried for 3 hours, couldn't sleep. Cut myself in the bathroom of my dorm and just cried. I had to get up for my finals a few hours later. He broke up with me in a picture on snapchat. That's something people don't do. The only thing I ever got out of that relationship was a stuffed bunny. He got blankets, a meaningful painting, and a new fishing hat. I was supposed to get concert tickets, but when we broke up, he kept the tickets, and I am still pissed about that. This story dragged on, but that relationship was the biggest waste of my time because I don't believe in giving someone everything I have and getting nothing in return. Don't let anyone disrespect you, especially not a man. I am sorry he's not a man, he is a child. 

       My next order of business is that I dropped my best friend and her new best friend. I will not allow people to disrespect me and make me look like a bad person. Never tarnish my reputation because you will pay. Those 2 aren't even worth a paragraph. All you need to know is that me and my new best friend were dealing with 2 narcissistic children who were both older than us. I am going to move on now. I stopped cutting because after I became single, I realized how ridiculous I was being and that nothing was worth hurting myself over. I learned that it is ok to not be ok. I also have not felt any depression in a while so my head is peaceful so now my body can be at piece. I think that is all I needed to catch you guys up on and that I needed to get off my chest. Hope you enjoy!!

Onlinegirl0404 becoming Offlinegirl0404 PEACEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!