Fat Girls Romance

Not Ordinary

"Yes, I've been a bad guy

Been higher than the blue sky

And the truth is I don't wanna die an ordinary man

I've made grown men cry

Don't know why I'm still alive

Yes, I don't wanna die an ordinary man"

-Ozzy Osbourne ft. Elton John, "Ordinary Man"

      I am really struggling to just sit home and do nothing. I am starting to feel crazy. No one realizes what it is like for some people who already feel trapped in their own body to be trapped in their own body and trapped inside their own house at the same time, it just makes the situation even worse. 

      I wrote this months and months ago. I have not had much to say. I do have to get something off my chest right now. My friend Maya is turning 16 on Thursday. She is one of my best friends. She knows everything about me. She is the only friend of mine that has been to and inside of my house. She was having a small hangout with me and 2 of her other friends and 1 of those friends is also my friend. I am an asshole, here is why. She told me it was gonna be on Friday the day after her birthday. I told her I would not be there because I have am working all day that day and my brother is graduating that night. Here is the truth. I am not working that day at all. My brother is graduating that day but I am not able to go because only parents are allowed. From the looks of my schedule, I have no reason not to go. My head and heart are telling me otherwise. It is not that I am busy at all. In fact, I am perfectly free, but my head is busy overthinking what would happen if I went. I do not think anyone would understand my reason at all. But I will tell you anyway. I have talked to Maya once or twice a week since virtual learning and that shit. I have not seen any of my close friends other than Katie who leaves around the corner in months. I have been telling Maya about the fact that I am working out and have lost weight. Now Maya is extremely skinny. And I on the other hand, am extremely not. When I say I lost weight she probably thinks that I am skinny now. Like close to her size and everything. But she could not be further from the truth. If I was skinny, this would not be Fat Girls Romance. Which there is more on the romance topic now but that is a problem for a different day. I know I am assuming what Maya thinks but I am seriously stressing out about seeing people until going back to school physically, if we ever fucking do that again. All of the friends at the hangout are extremely skinny. It is Maya, Sarah, and Sean. Not the boy I like Sean this one is gay, but that is besides the point of the story. I just feel like I do not fit in with them because I am different compared to them. They are all part of the rainbow flag community. I refer to it that way because I can not remember all of the letters in the community. I can only ever remember LGBTQ+ and that is it. Letters have been added since then and I do not know what those letters are. This is not my story can I get back on track. I already do not fit in because I am straight and fat. I like different things compared to all of them. Maya can take emo or rap. Sean is like Ariana Grande is the best person in the world. Sarah is like emo an anime rolled into one. Who the fuck am I? I wear all black, listen to rock and metal, loves cars, art, and photography. That does not fit in with them. Maya and Sarah I can handle but Ariana Grande lover is killing me here. Anyway I feel like a dick for not going when there is no reason but I am over it today. 

Onlinegirl0404 becoming Offlinegirl0404 PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!