Fat Girls Romance

This Summer

"Here I go in my feelings again, I can feel it again

So I lay in my bed, in my cell with the pen

And I dwell on my sins, I keep wonderin' when

Time to open the doors, they don't know who I am

But I pick up the keys and I put on my timbs

And I stare at the locks and the tat on my skin

And I think to myself, "I don't wanna fit in"

-NF, "Outcast"

      Summer's not over yet. I still have time to do what I wanted to do this summer. I wanted to get a gym membership and work out at least an hour every day. I am tired of feeling so insecure about my body. I just want to feel like everyone else. I want to be able to wear clothes that aren't always black. I want to stop wearing a jacket every day because I'm ashamed of my body.

      I don't wanna be the gross girl at school who wears the same clothes all the time. I obly wear black or dark blue because those are the only two colors I feel confident in. I wanna be asked out on a date and not have someone tell me it was a dare. I want to be approachable without seeing the look of disgust on people's faces when they have to talk to me because of a class assignment. I want people to call me pretty and actually mean it. 

      When I walk through the halls at school I feel like the biggest person there. Like everyone is staring at me. When people are laughing around me I get paranoid that they're laughing at me. Every situation at school where I have to be near people I'm not used to I freak out anf start sweating and I get scared that someone is going to make fun of me. When I'm at school I get so stressed about people embarrassing me and making fun of me. I don't I could bare that happening to me again. I never thought I would be a victim of someone else's hatred but I was. Now I'm paranoid that it will happen again and I won't recover from it because I just barely made it through the first time.

      The only way to make sure that doesn't happen is to change the things about myself that make me a target to other people. That includes losing weight and changing basically my entire personality. 

Onlinegirl0404 becoming Offlinegirl0404 PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!