Fat Girls Romance

Promise Me

"You promised me you'd never grow up

Now I have to let go

God, I miss you so much

And even when your heart gave out

I was thinking how

I won't say goodbye

-Badflower, "Promise Me"

      My personal life lately has become a little too personal for me to share with you guys, but I still wanted to write something. I don't know what this will become, but let's see where it goes. 

      I thought school was my death trap. That was until I started being in the loop at my house. Before middle school, no one told me anything. I was kept in the dark where I did not belong. They thought I would not understand, but I did. I got it. I understand almost everything. There are still some things I can not wrap my head around. If I had known everything, maybe I would have been more prepared. I am getting bored with writing like this, moving on. 

       Substance abuse is a serious thing and if you struggle with it then you need to reach out and ask for help because what I witnessed and went through because of substance abuse was terrible, I do not want anyone else to go through the same thing. 

      Someone in my family has struggled with it for five years. They never asked for help and it seemed pointless to ask them to. I knew they could never give it up. I did not understand why they did it. Did their life suck that much? Did they have a good reason for using? What was going through their head at the time? Did I do something to make them do that to themselves? I can not fight their demons for them but I know that using will not make them go away. 

      I can not take away the pain but I can make the pain feel better. Pain can consume you and force you to do things that you know you should not do. It all depends on how desperate you are to get rid of the pain. I wish I knew what pain was causing this person to make the decision that they did. 

      Tell me. Did every day feel like a hurricane? Did it? If it did, then I can relate. I try to smile, try to fight, just say I am ok, but every day feels like a hurricane. Every day feels like it's killing me. All we can do is continue to live with it. If you can not live with it? Be my guest. Take the same way out that you already tried. Just do not drag the rest of us down with you. 

Onlinegirl0404 becoming Offlinegirl0404 PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!