I know I shouldn't be feeling this, but it's too hard to resist. The way her suit hugs her perfect figure that's been shaped by the gods. Her long black hair cascading down her back and the way it flutters in the wind. Everything about her is perfect and the confidence she has shows she knows it too.
I'm traversing through the corridors of the palace thinking of all this. All the sins in my head, ones I've tried to clear for so long but can't seem to ever get ahold of. Just as I direct my thoughts to my duties for today the goddess herself comes into view. "Hey y/n" she says with a soft smile, I close my eyes for a second to calm myself.
"Are you ok, sweetheart? Are you ill?" She asks softly as she comes closer. "Yes... well no I guess" I say looking up at her in awe. "Are you sure you're feeling alright?" She asks, resting the back of her veined hand on my forehead. I focus all my mental strength on controlling my heart beat and temperature. Having her this close doesn't help my case at all.
"I'm fine" I say taking two steps back, she looks at me funny. Narrowing her eyes and furrowing her eyebrows which scares me if I'm honest. It's silent for a moment and she just stares at me. I avert my eyes to the ground and fold my hands in front of myself. "Are you scared of me?" She asks so quietly like she's lost her voice all of a sudden.
Am I? Or am I just afraid of how she makes me feel? "I don't think so" I answer truthfully and look up at her briefly. "Meet me in my office at 6" she says and then just walks away. Should I be nervous? I feel like I should be nervous. I brush it off and go about my day, tending to the kids and making sure they're ok. Taking their assignments to the teachers and bringing back the new ones.
Checking on all the other workers, mainly in the kitchen cause I'm a hungry bitch. 5:30 rolls around and I remember what Hela said. I don't want to go but if I don't she'll find me anyway and it'll make me look suspicious. So I bid goodbye to everyone and they wish me luck with the goddess of death.
I approach her door slowly and take a deep breath before timidly knocking. "Come in" she says with authority and I open the door, it slightly creaks closed. I force myself to look up at her so I don't seem as nervous as I am. "Sit y/n" she demands and I do ask she asks, crossing my legs tightly. "I'd like to get to the bottom of this" she says leaning back.
"Of what?" I ask acting like I'm clueless, I know exactly what she's talking about. "I think you know very well what I mean" she says and I can tell she's getting annoyed. I just stare at her defiantly, what am I supposed to say? 'Hela I'm in love with you and that's why I can never look you in the eye'?
"Don't be like that, y/n. Talk to me. I'm here to listen to anything you have to say" she says softer this time. It's like she's hugging me with her words and reassuring me. "You're just kinda scary" I say which isn't a lie she is very scary. "You know I would never hurt you, right?" She says and I look to the floor, "right?" She stresses and I give her a slight nod.
"Look at me" she sighs and before she can repeat it I look into her eyes. Feeling myself melt from her penetrating stare, I can practically feel her aura mixing with mine. "This isn't exactly how I wanted to do this..." she says sadly and I look at her confused.
"I love you, y/n" she says looking into my eyes and for the first time I see something different. Usually it's anger, a sadistic happiness, sometimes it's just cold. Yet right now... I see what I think could be, might be, real love and a hint of... fear? "What do you mean?" I ask tearing up a bit because I'm overwhelmed.
I see her lip tremble as she tried to find the words to explain to me. "I don't know" she says, "I've never felt love before" she admits. "I'll tell you what's it like" I say shyly and she nods slowly. "You get this fluttery feeling in your chest when you see them, and you get nervous. Not just like presentation nervous but almost panicky nervous..." I say.
"You can't stand the thought of being without them. You can't imagine life without them. They make you feel safe and understood without even trying. And when they look at you... when they touch you... you feel on top of the world" I say looking into her eyes. "I feel that and so much more for you y/n. I might not fully understand them now but if you would give me chance..." she says standing up.
"I would show you exactly how I feel" she finishes kneeling before me. She reaches for my hands and cautiously intertwines our fingers. "I love you too... I'm so afraid, but I'm open. I'm willing to try this" I say confidently. "You have no idea how much that means to me. I will make sure you don't regret it, my love" she promises.
I'm not entirely sure where this will go but I do know one thing. This woman will forever be my first true love.
