a/n: no Petra or Sharon
Inspired by 'Somehow' by Phony Ppl
CW: period talk, anxiety
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I have never felt more stupid in my entire life. As I leave Lydia's penthouse early in the morning, the walk of shame some would call it. This is my own fault really, I can't blame her. She told me exactly what was expected of me. 'Friends with benefits' she had uttered and—foolishly—I agreed. I knew then that I was incapable of doing so, but I lied to myself.
How could I pass up any opportunity to feel even a little closer to her? Yet... it felt like I never mattered as much to her, as she matters to me. Maybe it's because of her job, it's a big responsibility, I don't have anything like that. I have a job but, I don't think I have anything of importance to focus on outside of her.
What really hurts though, is that we do have conversations like friends. We talk about what we like in a partner, our favorite things, she'll sometimes buy me little gifts. Things that she says are 'just thinking about you' tokens. If I gave her a gift for every time I thought about her... I think she'd have to get a bigger house. I finally make it to my apartment and lock the door behind me, making a beeline for the bed.
I fall face first on it and scream quietly into it, attempting to release some pent up energy. I truly don't know why I'm feeling this way—I do—I know why. I'm not ready to admit why. So I blame it on the hormones, my mood swings, anything to pacify her. I feel so confused with everything she does, one moment I feel a spark and then the next... nothing.
I think it's that I've always needed more and I know she's capable of giving it. I understand her need to protect her heart after Sharon, truly, I do. I just wish she could see me—how much I care for her. I lay there for a while, lay on my stomach and stare at the wall. Suddenly I feel a wetness between my legs and I furrow my eyebrows.
What's today? I check my phone and groan as I get up. I make my way to the bathroom, pulling my underwear down, to see that I have indeed started my period. I turn the shower on as I sigh, dragging my feet to get a towel. Once I've showered and put in a tampon, I lay back down under the covers. I pull them closer to myself, seeking warmth between the sheets.
It's all beginning to make sense, why I've been so clingy and horny. My cramps begin to set in and I whine as I turn over. It's my own fault, I always forget to grab pads when I run out. I think I'll remember before the time comes but, I never do. I toss and turn for a while, wishing the pain would subside so I could actually get up to take meds.
I hear something in the distance but pay no mind to it. I don't need my paranoia running wild when I can barely even move. I close my eyes and curl myself up smaller, trying to find a comfortable position. "Y/n?" I hear and I almost think I'm hallucinating until the matching footsteps follow her voice. I slowly turn to face the door and see her holding a bag from the drug store.
I'm about to sit up when she puts up her hand as a signal for me to stop. She doesn't say anything more, leaving the bag and exiting the room. Only to come back shortly after with water and hot tea. She sets them on the nightstand, sitting next to me and gently pulling me to sit between her legs.
She reaches the bag to pull out pain meds and grabs the water, handing them both to me. "Thank you" I mumble to which she responds by stroking my hair back. "I'm sure I had medicine in the cabinet—and you didn't have to come all this way" I whisper, fortunate that my back is to her as I feel too embarrassed to look at her face.
"You don't, actually. Last time I was here I had a headache remember? I knew you would've forgotten to get more and I bought pads too since I noticed you were out before" she answers. Her hands wrap around my waist to my stomach. Her fingers find their way under my shirt, gently pressing in my sides.
