Packs Of War

EPILOGUE

NICK'S POV

I was fiddling with the edges of a black journal. A journal I had given to her back then. I couldn't bring myself to open it. I never liked when someone opened mine and I liked to keep the same curtesy.

But I was desperate. I was curious. My curiosity was pulling against my nerves and I thought I would snap.

But still, I didn't open it.

If I had to keep a secret, it wouldn't be on some plain paper in a journal. And I know she knew better than to do so.

'We haven't found any trace of her, my king.'

Another link entered today from one of my troops.

It's been five months and twenty six days and I still haven't found a trace of her. Some of my spies in the Blue Moon Pack had told me there were bodies secretly burned in the woods but I chose to believe she was none of them. Every one of my troops have failed miserably in tracking her. The Blue Moon Pack has become even hard to infiltrate. Edward was too careful but I knew he was looking.

And yet here I was, with no hope, but still looking.

I needed to know where my mate was. I needed to know what she was keeping from me.

There was yet one spy to confirm for the day so I stupidly waited.

"Nickolas..." My eyes shifted to my mom, standing in front of my desk. "I've been calling your name for a while."

I didn't even notice her get it my study. "I was just...never mind. I'm fine. What is it?"

"You didn't show up for dinner." Her voice was low and soft. "Again. It's almost midnight."

"I - I'm finishing up." My hands ran in to my hair, involuntarily.

She looked at me in terrible silence. She pulled a chair and sat. "Do you want to...talk?"

I snapped immediately, feeling my defenses heighten against her. Against everyone. "I said I'm fine."

"I'm worried." Her voice had yet again, a terrible calmness to it.

"Mother..."

It was her turn to cut me off. "You've barely talked...to anyone. I have to drag you to eat. You lock yourself up in this..." Her eyes roamed in the messy room with papers and maps. "...study. You're even losing weight."

"I just don't..."

And it cut me off. 'My king, we've found nothing yet.'

My breath stopped and there it was again - like every other day, every other night, that I sat here waiting, hoping, for a positive feedback - that roiling silence in my head. A deathly, sickly and unfathomable silence burning in my mind. Burning every single sense in me.

"Nick..." My mother's voice was a blur in that dark void screaming in my head. A loathing silence. "My darling..."

I made the first movement, placing my hands flat on the table and rising. I turned to put the journal back on the shelf, safely, but my hands shook.

I took a breath, leaning on it. "I've tried everything, everything." It was quiet and I turned to her. There was a tightness in my chest, blood boiling in my veins. "She's just...gone. Dissappeared."

My mom heaved a breath as I moved from the shelf and run my hand on my face.

It was always easy to talk to Leila about the things I was vulnerable with. But she wasn't here and she was now one of the things. I needed relief from her somehow and right now I want to explode.