Tears Of London

Here we go again

ERIN

I emitted a muffled complaint.
I was not feeling so good.
Here we go again.
My head was feeling abruptly heavy and hot, and it began to turn. It pitched. My brain was burning hard as my ears were blurring. My eyes were playing tricks on me.
I was feeling really bad.
I sat on the floor : it was cold and relaxing. But the situation was getting worse. My body started to be shaken by violent spasms, and my eyes were revolted, so we could see only the white part of them.
I knew what I had to do. I had to get up, open the window, and climb the roof, like I was doing everytime I was in this situation.
But I couldn't this time. My legs didn't want to obey. And the situation got worst.
Normally, I calm down, the spasms stop, I stand up to drink a glass of water and climb the roof, to sing and wait.
But this is not happening today.
Spasms didn't stop. I didn't stand up to drink a glass of water. I didn't climb that roof. I stayed here, lying on the floor.

Dying.

That was not the first time it happened to me, but it was the first time I really thought I was going to die. Like, for real.
I would die like a loser, on the floor. I would die because of my own addiction. I would die without telling my mother I was sorry. I would die without knowing what was happiness. I would die as the villain of the story, and nobody would cry for me.
Nobody would pay attention to me.
Except her. The Angel. I suddenly had the feeling that, when I'll be dead, she will softly sit next to me and say :
- FUCK NO !!! ERIN, WHAT THE FUCK !
Her voice sounded real.
Her touch felt real.
But it was too late, I had lost control anyway.