Tears Of London

After hours

ERIN

I got off stage alone, as none of the crew could have come that night. Usually, there's always someone to celebrate a new performance. Usually, Malcolm is always behind the scene, waiting for me to go back to the Hutt together. That night he was not. I checked my phone, and realised what I had expected happened. I received a text from him.
"Had troubles. See you at Hutt."
I didn't get what he meant by "troubles", maybe it was about Kelly. Maybe they had an argument.
I took the opportunity to text Jo, ask her if she was still around. I wanted to know who was that guy she was with, and why did he disappear all of a sudden.
Perhaps she'll tell me.
I got out of the club by the back door, an emergency exit used by the Djs to leave. I am near the club's garbage, when I felt my phone vibrate from my pocket.
"I'm here."
I quickly scanned my eyes around, but there's no sign of Jo.
"No, to the left."
She was at the corner of the pub, arms crossed. She was wearing a pretty and long dress, made of a dark red. She had this fascinating ability to look sexy and angelic at the same time.
We approached each other slowly.
- This was genius, Erin, she said with the highest honesty in the world. You're so made for this.
I couldn't hide how glad I was to hear this from her.
I noticed something dark behind her smile. She looks sad.
- How are you ? I asked, a bit worry.
- I'm fine.
She had said that with no will.
- You're a bad liar.
- No, I'm fine. I'm so happy for you, you made my day.
I wanted to ask her. I shouldn't. Fuck it, it's fine.
- I saw you leaving with a guy, earlier, I said with the most neutral tone I can have.
She just nodded, with a faraway look in her eyes. Why is she so embarrassed ?
- And, then...you came back, I added, kinda grateful for it.
She stayed quiet, watching a taxi parking on the sidewalk.
- I guessed he was at the same school as you.
- He is.
As she was saying nothing more, I was all the more worry.
- Was he kind ?
- Erin...what do you want to know ?
I got surprised by the irritation in her voice.
- N...nothing, I just wanted to make sure he didn't hurt you, I admitted, seeking to meet her sad gaze.
Why is she upset ?
- No, Alex is a sweetheart.
- I'm glad to hear it.
I really was, even if it was a pain in the ass to know that this Alex saw her naked. And not me. Damn, I wish I could see her body, her very pure side. The secrets she's hiding behind her clothes. Bodies are like books to me, it's under the covers that we can see the real story.
All I can do now is imagining. But I'm not a creative person.
- You found that somebody, I continued smiling, referring to the lyrics we had written together.
Suddenly, her eyes got wet. I expected her to thank me and give me a smile, but she didn't. This girl is unpredictable.
I came closer while a tear was falling on her cheek.
- What is it, Angel ? Did I say something...?
- I can't...
She didn't continue and cried against my shoulder.
- I can't keep doing this, she added, sobbing. All I do is hurting people.
- No, you can't say this. It's not true, you always put others first.
- I used to be like this. Now, I'm just a selfish bitch who breaks everyone she meets on her way.
Hearing her saying that broke my heart. And trust me, it's hard for me to admit it.
- Why do you say that ? I asked. What happened ?
- I waited for him to fall asleep...then...I...
It was tough understanding what she was trying to say, between the sobs.
- ...I left.
- It's not a big deal, Jo. He's safe, sleeping at his place. You've done nothing wrong.
- I fucking left a fucking note on his fucking table, saying I was sorry. Yes, Erin, it's a big deal.
- He'll understand, he'll forgive you, trust me.
- I don't want him to forgive me, I just want him to be happy.
- I'm sure he was tonight.
I had in mind a resume of what it would look like to have sex with an angel.
- No, Erin...I mean happy but not with me. I'm not...ready.
She stepped back, makeup marks under her eyes.
- I'm not good, she added with a broken voice.
- What the fuck are you talking about ?
If she's not good, who is ?
- I don't deserve his love.
- Don't say that.
- I said that.
- You're saying shit, I retorted.
She wiped her face off. Her cheeks were red. Her skin was pale.
- You should go home, take some rest, I said with no malice.
She nodded her face frenetically. She suddenly looked frightened.
- I'll be alone. Kelly is not at home.
I felt like this idea was scaring her a little bit too much.
- You can come with me, I proposed.
- You're going at the Hutt ?
- Yes.
- I don't want to bother the others...
- It's okay, they like you.
I put my hand in her back while driving her slowly to my car.