Tears Of London

Remord

JO

What I felt that night – the last time I saw Erin - that was bad. Since then, I am deeply guilt-tripping, as I am not single. And I want to tell Jared about it. About all of this. He is free to know, so he could see if he forgives me or not. I think he needs to know.
Unfortunately, I am not ready to tell him.
What will I tell him ? That I want him to forgive me ? For what ? Nothing happened ! Maybe I am wrong, maybe I just...need to be loved. And Erin just found the right words, at the right time.
But I'm surely not in love with Erin.
He was just here that time, when I needed someone. That's all.
WAIT. What the fuck am I talking about ?! Why does it sound like cheating ? NOTHING HAPPENED, JO !!!
Nothing.
- Jo ? Do you listen to me ?
My sister brings me back into the real world.
- No, sorry, I admit. Can you repeat ?
We are at home, in our apartment. Only her and I. She is in the kitchen while I am in the couch, watching TV.
- I was saying that I called Malcolm, this morning, because I wanted to talk to him about our break up. 
- You guys have broken up ?
- I didn't tell you ? Well, it doesn't matter, everything is alright now. We're back together.
I don't know if this new makes me happy, as I don't know Malcolm that much. But Kelly looks happy with him.
- Great ! I finally say. Let's toast to you guys !
I open the fridge, looking for a bottle of...anything. But it is more than empty.
- Sorry in advance, but all we have to toast is apple juice.
- Doesn't matter, it'll do ! But that was not only what I wanted to tell you.
I look at her suspiciously, pouring a glass with an old apple juice.
- Malcolm invited us to a party at the Hutt, tomorrow night.
- I don't know, Kelly...I'm not really in the mood for...
I am lying. I just don't want to see Erin anymore. Not before I talk to Jared.
- Come on, Jo ! You're my loyal taxi girl !
- You'll have to yourself another taxi. Why don't you ask Malcolm ?
- The police took away his license.
I look at her curiously.
- Drinking and driving, she precises. Please ! I need you !
- Okay. What we're going to do is that I'm going to drop you off, go back and you'll call me when you'll want me to come and get you back home. Agree ?
- Okay...it'll do. I agree.
- Perfect. I go to the shower.
But before I leave the kitchen, Kelly stopped me :
- Jo...I hope dad didn't hurt you, yesterday. You know, when he told you what he thinks about your dream job...
I don't say a thing and look at her.
- I'm sure he didn't mean it...
- No, he meant what he said, I cut her off before she continues lying. But I'm sure he just did his job. I suppose that, as a dad, he had to tell me what he truly thinks.
Even if I act like I'm at ease, I am not. I think a part of me will never forgive him for his judgement. Not only for this time, but every time he called me an incompetent since I was a kid.
I notice Kelly still stares at me with sorry eyes, while I head to the bathroom.