Tears Of London

Special K

ERIN

I am fucking flying, high in the sky. My body was so light I couldn't feel my legs anymore. My whole body was lighter than a cotton candy. I am some fucking melted sugar.
- Erin ? Second round ? Emery asked me while I was high, eyes closed on the couch.
I had never been so high.
- Sure, I mumbled.
I didn't even have the strength to articulate, to open my mouth properly to drink anything.
That's why I used a seringue. It was easier. Quicker. I filled it in. I stuck the needle of the syringe into the largest vein of my fore arm. I pushed it. I felt it running in my veins, spreading out in my blood. It felt so good. Comforting. Warm. Like an angel was embracing me. Making love with me. It felt so good.
I stayed on the couch that night. I couldn't go sleep in my bed, as my legs couldn't carry me.
I loved feeling nothing. Thinking about nothing. It used to calm my nerves. It used to give my mind a break.
But, despite all I got, I ended up thinking after one hour. What is Jo doing right now ? Maybe she's fucking another guy, taller than me. Lighter. Smarter. Sober. Maybe he's touching her like I would love to. Like she deserves. Maybe she's screaming his name when she's coming. Maybe she loves him and he loves her in turn. Maybe she's better off without me in her life.

That night, I realised I loved Josephine more than I would like to. And I made a decision.

I would never hurt her anymore.