Tears Of London

I'm a jerk

ERIN

We had just finished.
I was looking at the brown-haired girl. She was getting changed.
I realised I didn't know anything about her. As she didn't know me.
- What's your name ? I suddenly asked, to have a talk.
- Catherine.
She didn't ask me mine. I think she didn't give a fuck about who she was fucking.
Wait. I always do the same. I never give a damn about who I'm fucking. Why am I caring, now ?
She packed her things and bags, before opening the door.
- You're leaving ? I say.
- I have to go. Bye.
She almost slammed the door at me. I was feeling dumb, alone, in my room.
For once, I didn't want to sleep alone.
I'm an egoist. Usually, I'm the one that leaves when a girl wants to sleep with me. I now know what they're feeling when I'm kicking them out.
Wretched, I leave my room to go upstairs.
I found Aliya, that was getting drunk in the kitchen, staring at the crowd. I joined her.
- What is it ? I asked, referring to her glass.
- Apple Vodka. Want some ?
I had a sip in her glass. I noticed she was still watching the crowd dancing to the music rhythm.
- What are you looking at ?
I followed her gaze until I saw her. Jo was there. She came. Even after all the shit I told her.
She's here. She's real.
But the man beside her was real too. And she was dancing with him.
- Who's this ? I never saw him around.
- Me neither, Aliya said. He's pretty hot.
I kept my eyes on them during long minutes, until I saw him hugging her. In his arms, she was looking like she was laughing out loud.
- Is she drunk ? I asked, frowning.
- Yes.
Aliya smiled, as if she was happy for her.
- You know her ? I said.
- Yeah. She's cool.
Okay...Aliya is probably drunk too.
When I got my eyes back to them, they were kissing.
- Who the fuck is this guy ?
I felt like they would never stop. It was so long I started to count the seconds.
Then, his hand, which he placed in the small of her back, got slowly down. Until it has reached the top of her butt.
Jo stepped back a second, so I thought it was over. But then, she whispered something to his ear, and he smiled like an idiot. After this, they moved away from the crowd, hand in hand.
They're coming this way. She'll see me.
- She must have forgotten her bag in the kitchen, Aliya supposed.
My friend rapidly looked for it at her feet, and brandished it at Jo when she arrived.
At first, she didn't see I was here. She was probably too busy for it, smiling at that white guy.
But now, I'm sure she noticed me.
She thanked Aliya and took her bag without looking at me. I saw they were still holding hands.
- Are you guys leaving ? I said, before sipping in Aliya's glass.
For the first time that night, Jo gave me a look. A look full of hate.
- Yeah, I'm feeling tired, the guy said.
AHAHAH. Tired. Must be that.
Jo smiled at him, satisfied by his answer. What the fuck.
- Oh, you two are going to your place ? I continued, what earned me a glare from Aliya.
"What are you doing ?", her eyes meant.
- Yes, the guy answered.
Shut the fuck up. I'm not talking to you.
- Oh, great.
Aliya smelled the embarrassment. That's why she turned to the guy, to chat a bit.
I took the opportunity to talk to Jo :
- Are you sure you want to do this ?
I said it with a kindness I didn't know I was able to have. I wanted to make sure she was knowing what leaving with this guy implied.
- You're a jerk.
That was all she said.
- Jo, I'm sorry, I said referring to our last talk.
I was sorry. I really was. But I had to do it.
She cut me off before I finished. She was furious.
- I don't care, Erin. You can't kick me out then act like you care for me.
- I never said I didn't care about you.
- It doesn't matter anymore.
That's how our little talk ended.
She left with the guy.
I watched her disappearing slowly in the crowd.
That feeling I had was one of the worst.